Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Namaste

I'm mentally preparing myself to perform Yoga.

That is, I'm sitting, breathing restfully, clearing my cluttered mind, and steeling myself in performing awkward poses when my swollen and painful breasts get in the way.

My pelvis is kinda sore too. Damn my misfiring female bits. Damn 'em to hell.

In spite of the ouchies, I read that excercise is good for regulating hormones and female bits and will improve the less than chipper mood I've found myself in for the last month. It had better because the only other reason I perform downward facing dog is when I'm engaged in that other activity which improves my mood. If I don't get happy there is no reason to contort myself that way on purpose.

I'm ever so excited to visit my gynecologist about all this. I'm getting a pap schmear. I've scheduled an ultrasound. Let's hope for an internal one because it's ever so much nicer to have the ultrasound goo down there rather than all over my gut. I could request that the technician use a glow in the dark condom over the ultrasound wand just for the special effects value. I may want to take photos for posterity, especially if downward facing dog is utilized in the procedure.

Yoga's on. Gotta go. Savor that image in the meanwhile.

6 comments:

  1. As much as drunken, lazy, good-for-nothing loins hate to admit it, yoga will rock your world, and your loins. Get your ommmmmmm ass on!

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  2. I'm all for regulating female bits.

    My hourly rate is fairly reasonable.

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  3. I'm sure you aren't covered by my insurance.

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  4. I've never tried Yoga. Maybe I should although not for exactly the same reasons as you since I don't personally have the same bits. Doesn't it help with flexibility, too? Maybe I need to find an Old Guys Yoga class.

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  5. You should try my version of Yoga. I call it yodelga. It incorporates relaxation techniques, stretching and sex toys.
    It makes me yodel and I feel rejuvenated afterward.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You'd become a wealthy woman if you sold that on a DVD.

    Suddenly I have an urge to wear liederhosen.

    ReplyDelete

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