Friday, April 03, 2009

I need a new drug.

I like sex.

There, I said it. No use being demure about it. I'm gonna throw on some pasties and declare to the world that I enjoy a good poke. With my husband. I'm not open for poking to anyone else. You were thinking it.

However, my body hasn't wanted to cooperate. My body figures that as long as I'm not going to conceive, due to getting myself spayed, that the fun might as well be over. What do you need ovaries for? They sure don't need YOU. You've betrayed them.

But now...I have...HORMONES. Prescribed by a doctor no less.

They make it possible to not have to approach sex in the cerebral manner that I have been these past months. Would sex be nice? Yes, I THINK sex would be nice. I remember it being very nice. I remember something about a lasso and some spurs. The pony made a mess.

I'm perking up my withering ovaries with a pill that's so tiny it appears to be a little foolish. True, I've only been on the pill for a few days but the difference is...well...it's like Christmas compared to September 3rd.

The problem I'm facing now is that my cerebral approach has become habitual and I can't come on to my husband without sounding like Twiggy on Buck Rogers.

Justin has been so patient with my poor approaches with tonight being THE night. He has managed despite them. Such a trooper.

For instance, don't be kneeling, scouring stains out of your toilet bowl and come out with, "You know what this repetitive motion reminds me of?" That's not sexy. It's not kosher. (Don't do that with vacuuming either, even if suck euphemisms abound.)

"I got a half hour doin' nothin'" isn't romantic either.

Nor is, "It's Wednesday Justin."

I'm back now.

It's a new dawn...a new day...a new life for me. Goodbye Twiggy. Hello Erin Gray.

7 comments:

  1. I'll have some of what you're having. And I haven't even been spayed yet.

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  2. That is as bad as thinking of the parents doing it. Thanks for ruining my day. (As I dry heave, just a little)

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  3. Thanks for the mental picture! And anyone who doesn't like sex sure is missing out on spurring good times!

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  4. GIDDYUP!
    I broke my man's back the other night.
    It was my own version of Broke-Back-Mount-Him...LOL

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  5. It must be spring!

    Erf

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  6. Yeeeee Hawwww!!!! Scrub that terlet HARD!

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