Thursday, April 30, 2009

My overalls have given me a wedgie.

Spring is here!

Time to play with poop! That is, it's time to get the garden going and nothing is better for the garden than wheelbarrows full of poo.

Growing up on a horse farm there was always ample opportunity to play with poop in all states of steaming freshness. Poop was produced by the ton. You had to get creative with the places you stored this poop. Eventually you run out of space throwing it willy nilly behind the barn so you have to put some in the gardens, spread it in the fields, package it in a gingham lined basket and give it to the neighbors.

They call it farmer's perfume. Though I can't imagine that scent getting as pretentious and whispery as a Chanel No.5 advert.

Or maybe I can.

Opening shot, a claustrophobic entry to a perfect and quaint red barn in the spring sunshine. Music over is classic, delicately picked on a banjo. Farmer John is centered, leaning over his pitchfork, his chin resting on the end of the handle, chewing straw, his hat slightly askew and his overalls a new denim shade of blue.

He's wistful, thinking about his old gray mare.

Cut to a close shot of Old Gray in a lush pasture, her haunches rippling as she twitches her tail, panning up her back to her ears and then eyes, mirroring the same wistful expression as Farmer John's as she also chews on straw.

Cut back to Farmer John, a close up of his weather grizzled face, as he whispers the words "Share the fantasy..." and blinks slowly.

Cut back to Old Gray running through the pasture, tail and mane streaming, towards the barn, as the banjo picking reaches a crescendo.

Then cut to medium shot a gingham lined basket, Farmer John voices over, now with a slight French accent in a sighing lilt, "Farmer's Perfume".

My pitchfork arm is just a'itchin'.

Have I mentioned that I live 120 miles from a mall?

Big old surprise there, huh...


  1. I think you need to go shoe shopping. Maybe a mani-pedi.

  2. Have fun in the garden and if farmer Jack is there hide cuz u arent an old gray mare. Besides, he might just toss some poo @ u

    Might i suggest that after enjoying a long day of gardening that u pretend u are a horse and offer a ride to justin. He might like the steaming freshness!



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