Thursday, April 16, 2009

When I buy Clearasil, I buy it in gallon jars.

My ten year old son has two pimples on his chin.

I already have a fifteen year old son with pimples and an attitude and I thought I had another two years before I had to drudge through puberty again. Shit.

The question I have about all this new hormonal upheaval in my home is a chicken and egg one. We've been discussing the birds and the bees at length...My boy knows what a cervix is by gum...so are these pimples a manifestation of our birds-ing and bees-ing or are these pimples just here right on time and the sex-ed talks a manifestation of his impending manhood?

There is something so precious about the look on your son's face when you explain what HIS part in reproduction is. That's a big old idea isn't it? The mysterious thought that the parts of our body that we cover up with boxer shorts will pull double duty. My what does what? Seriously? You've got to be joking...

When I explained menstruation to him that seemed more plausible to him than what his body will do. His body will never menstruate after all. Yet, now, there are all these other fluids. There is just no escape. Run, it's The Blob.

On top of that there will be armpit hairs. Awesome manly armpit hairs.

Alec asked to use his older brother's deodorant this morning. After turning a shade of chartreuse, I told him I'd buy him some of his own. Sharing deodorant is icky. Sharing deodorant with a fifteen year old boy is just plain dangerous. Flesh eating diseases are bred that way.

Can't I just seal up my sweet little boy in a canning jar and keep him the way he is? Pimple, hormone and hair-free? I'm not ready!

I console myself with the thought that I could be a grandmother in as little as three years...

Shit.

7 comments:

  1. Darling, look at it this way: didn't you have to hold the oldest one down and physically put deodorant on him? At least this one is slightly more malleable. You might have an easier time of it. That's something, isn't it?

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  2. lol @ gina, she might be right.

    If u believe it or not, the zits dont have anything to do with your conversations with your son.

    And NO, u cant put you son in a canning jar cuz u likely cant find one large enuf. But i will send u my son if u want to experiment a bit first ;)

    Erf

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  3. My almost-9-year-old has stinky armpits just like a big boy, and has for a couple years now; he also gets small pimply pimples. (His hormone levels checked out fine, so he's just...unlucky.) A couple weeks ago, he and my husband were exclaiming that the boy had sprouted armpit hairs, dark brown armpit hairs. Doofs! That was just lint from a brown shirt.

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  4. Granny Becky- that has a distinctive ring about it, doesn't it? But I'd suggest that he wait until he has finished his education process so that he can support himself & his new family. You don't really want them all moving back in with you and Justin. Having grandkids visit is great but I'd rather not have them around all of the time.

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  5. My ten year old boy is acting just like a 13 year old girl with BAD pms. You wanna switch kids???

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