Friday, May 29, 2009

Don't get me started on the English teachers...


Well, today is the last day of school.

It's the last day for months that I can run to the laundry room naked to find the taupe bra I laundered over the weekend. When wearing a white blouse it behooves a person (I'm not getting gender specific here.) to wear a brassiere that matches the skin tone. If you wear a white bra under your white shirt you are only highlighting that your white bra is as utilitarian as possible.

My bra won't match my legs however. I've responsibly fake baked.

Losing the ability to prance about nude in the coming summer months makes me sad. I have to pre-plan my wardrobe choices and dress in secret, with the door closed, and the curtains pulled tight. The neighbor children also have the summer off and they will all end up in my yard, smashing their noses against my windows anytime from 6 am to 10 at night.

That means their parents won't have to pre-plan their own wardrobe choices. Sneaky bastards.

On the upside, tonight I get to put on clothing that is not flannel pants, go to high school graduation, then afterwards enjoy the company of my teacher husband's colleagues at a backyard get together hosted by the former principal.

You haven't partied until you've partied with sloppy drunk social studies teachers. Nine months of explaining the chief exports of Zimbabwe to drooling zit monkeys makes mixing gallons of Michelob and Clamato awful attractive. As far as I know, both Michelob and Clamato are made right here, in the good old USA, and though I can be as patriotic as the next guy, I'm not drinking either of those substances.

If you really want to get blitzed, make your way to the biology teachers corner, behind the yew bushes. Toad lickers, all of 'em. Do they have toads in Zimbabwe? Remind me to ask.

And just when I thought I'd leave my nude prancing talk bound up in this post, associating with the P.E. teachers will make all that sadness burst forth in a lewd taupe-y rush. They won't notice anyway. They're high from breathing air that doesn't smell like overly Axed B.O. and they've spent too long with their knee socks pulled up over their eyebrows.

Knee socks made out of cotton from Zimbabwe? Maybe...yup...maybe.


  1. Did you know the "wear a taupe bra or underwear under a white blouse or white pants" rule becomes "wear a black bra or underwear under a white blouse or white pants" rule if you're black? True story.

  2. I just solve the problem by not wearing bras nor white pants.

    Our schools still have a couple of weeks to go before getting out. I was all set to go to Pat's grand daughter's high school graduation tonight when it was pointed out to me that it isn't until next Friday night. My main benefit is that I don't have to delay driving through the intersection on the corner while all the patrol boys are out there stopping traffic so the kids can stream across the street. I think they like to go in single file and move slowly so they can delay us as much as possible. After two more weeks, we drivers will get a break.

  3. I became totally lost with your line "My bra won't match my legs." Perhaps, u can explain that one a bit better.

    Have fun at the party. Dont get too close to those yew bushes if u arent fully clothed. You might get a rash or something.

    If u are worried about those future peepers u can just keep the curtains closed all the time. That way u wont have to remember if they are closed or not when u have to make a mad dash for clothes. Oh, and buy your sons blindfolds and tell them its the lastest and bestest toy.



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