Thursday, May 21, 2009

I found my fanny pack and I'm rarin' to use it!

Next month there are plans in the works to take me out of my domesticity and place me firmly in the middle of the Las Vegas strip for a few days.

If you're stalking me, I'll be the oatmeal scented woman in the polar fleece pajama pants and the wrinkled Chris Isaak concert tour T-shirt.

Justin, my school teacher husband, has been told he's going to a teacher's conference in Vegas, because that's where Nevada teachers go to conferences, and I get to tag along. Nevada teachers never go to Winnemucca for conferences. There isn't enough neon to prepare lesson plans by there.

Since my husband is going to be detained with hundreds of other teacher types during the day I have hours to spend by myself in Sin City. I cannot be emphatic enough about stating how much I am looking forward to this. Being alone. Maybe NOT dressed in housewife clothing. Seeing the things I want to see and doing things I decide to do. Showering without a three year old at the bathroom door commanding me to reattach Spider Man's missing leg.

If Spiderman can't grow his own leg back why should I bother?

Oh the possibilities to half day debauchery!

I'm going to start my day with at least four plates of breakfast meats at the dirtiest buffet I can find. Breakfast meat tastes rebellious when the grease is fine aged. The cholesterol in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Then I'm going to hop on over to the Liberace Museum. This is where I will attempt to lick sequins and molest rhinestones. I've dropped the museum an email so they know when to expect me. Those nose prints on the glass? Those are mine.

I might spend some time people watching at the Bellagio. I'll wear my bunny slippers and a touristy yet almost classy foam hat. And I'll mutter to myself.

Ooooh, likker me up before 9 AM! THEN eat breakfast meats!

Wherein I plan to hurl in the hotel lobby of Caesar's Palace. I've had a little alcohol here and there but I've never been really inebriated and certainly I've never be so drunk as to vomit. Didn't those Romans have vomitoriums? Do as the Romans do and when you vomit in Vegas it definitely stays in Vegas.

And I'm stealing hotel ashtrays.

The only thing left to do is to go topless at some point.

That's Freemont street for ya.


  1. You'd never catch me in such a tacky neon mecca as Vegas. I'm going to Branson!

  2. Blogarita, when in Branson go see Paul Revere and the Raiders they put on a good show. Paul has a motor cycle keyboard on stage,,, funny to see.

    Becky, have fun in Lost Wages. Last i heard there were not any good deals on restaurant food to be found. Long gone are the days of cheap buffets. If u want to get a lot of ppl talking about u then i would suggest that you wear your boobs, from that Buy My Boobs pic, along with those fuzzy bunny slippers. We need pics of u when topless, and out in public, while in Lost Wages. Afterall, the teachers cant have all the fun there, can they!



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