Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Potty break from reality.

44fy[r[[w[ e4[e[e[[g

I went to the bathroom and I came back to this alien communique on my screen.

I promise I did not squeeze the Charmin. Not even a little bit. Wasn't even tempted. I am Mr. Whimple's love child.

Let's put on our tin foil hats and decode. Oh that's cute, you twisted yours to look like a swan. I put viking horns on mine.

Gots our paranoia on.

The aliens are telling me to:

- Go back to bed, because I'm achy and phlegmy. The swine flu is a martian conspiracy, payback for Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds. The martians don't want to kill us. They just want to dominate our media and annoy us with diarrhea.

- Shampoo my carpet. It's filthy. Aren't you a housewife? Geez woman, what do you do all day?

- Kill clowns.

- Call my mother.

- Start listening to Glenn Beck. Or at least start drinking more.

- Run of president of the local PTA. I'm pro #2 pencils and cursive handwriting, against in school cell phone usage and sniffing whiteboard markers.

Maybe I will go squeeze my Charmin. Just a little bit. Just until the voices stop.

Turns out the communique is from my three year old. It very well may be that an alien is possessing his body. He screams often enough. Asks for soda for breakfast and mismatches his clothes.

I asked him to read me what he typed. He points at it and sunnily says, "Blue!"

Makes sense.


  1. You need to get out more,,, go cut the grass!


  2. I can't! My glass topped picnic table just shattered all over my grass! I just emptied my shard filled bucket and I have to go back out and pick bits out of my lawn.

  3. I read "3-year-old".
    It says ... "I love you mom. What would you like for Mother's Day?"

  4. OH, now u have something to do,,,pick up the glass.

    We had a glass topped patio table get blown off of our deck before too. The glass shattered all over the place. What a mess! Have fun picking it up. Maybe your neighbour's cat doesnt like the glass stuck in his/ her paws and will stay out of your yard for awhile, anyways.

    Erf, still needs his grass cut

  5. It means YOU STINK in alien.


Absent Minded Archives