Thursday, June 25, 2009

My apron has a hole in it.

Hi. I'm Becky. I'm a housewife. A real housewife of Elko County.

Today I'm actually in Elko signing official documents lowering my house payments to a ridiculously low amount. You see, my community saw up-side-down house values back in 2002 when one of our largest employers declared bankruptcy and was forced to sell out. We've spent the last seven years becoming equitably pear shaped again. Happily our inflatable clown is staying upright when we punch it in the nose of these days of a collapsing housing market. It could have been different. Now we can really pay off some principle. Take that Bozo, you jackass.

I was fixin' to make fun of all them housewives in those high-fallutin' places they show on the television but then I recall that I never did watch any of those shows past three or four minutes worth.

It seemed to me that a housewife with no housework wasn't really a housewife at all. Wife, sure, house?...McMansion?...gift wrapping rooms?...hmmm not so much.

Certainly none of those women have gone to a bare bones title office, next door to a feed store, wearing twenty dollar jeans and a souvenir T-shirt from Branson! Missouri.

I didn't go to Branson. My parents did. They've been twice. They party.

I'm not suggesting that they come live my life. Wife Swap isn't on my TV watching schedule either and it's questionable that my housework would ever get done to my rural standards. I'm suggesting they get new titles. They are tarnishing mine. There isn't enough jewelry hanging off their spray tanned liposuctioned bodies to make up for it. Either "real" or "housewife" has to go.

Then, I may feign fascination in their show.

First episode of the real housewives of Elko County? Becky puts on some old sweatpants and sprays around the perimeter of her home for ants, and then, after washing her hands, knocks out an amazing meatloaf and some creamed peas.

I'm gonna get me an Emmy.

7 comments:

  1. I've never understood the Real Housewives series. I refuse to watch them. They aren't housewives at all. Trophy wives maybe? Not housewives though.

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  2. I LOVE THAT CRAP. Makes me feel good about myself. Especially those New Joisey ones ... OMG. Lemme tell you somethin' about my femmilee .... we're tick as tieves ....... BAHAHAHAHA

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  3. I'm a real housewife, too. Just like June Cleaver.

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  4. OH thanks for the "twenty dollar jeans and a souvenir T-shirt," visual. You got me far too excited :))

    Congrads on the lower house payments. Before u know it the house will be paid for and then u might be able to avoid to pay for a maid. Then u too can stare on an un-reality reality show.

    Erf

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  5. afford even

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  6. Oh lets start again and try to leave out the typos this time. If you would like to Beckster, just delete those other to attempts at a comment.

    OH thanks for the "twenty dollar jeans and a souvenir T-shirt," visual. You got me far too excited :))

    Congrads on the lower house payments. Before u know it the house will be paid for and then u might be able to afford to pay for a maid. Then u too can star on an un-reality reality show.

    Erf

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  7. I find that most of the newer TV shows are not things that I want to watch. Happily there are cable channels that show some of the older ones but a few of them are starting to re-broadcast the same ones too often. I may have to just go to DVDs. And then there is the Internet.

    Somehow these so called Reality Shows don't seem to really reflect anyone's reality. At least not anyone that I know.

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