Thursday, July 23, 2009

Absolutely no smoking!

I didn't tell you...and I almost feel bad about it...I didn't tell you that I risked my very life earlier this month on our family "stay-cation". What that means we drove 360 miles from our rural Nevada life to experience more rural Nevada life instead of driving further and experiencing rural life in other states.

No, I didn't nearly die of boredom. We took along a stick to beat lizards with.

What happened was Justin and I wore these T-shirts:

...inside of a store that displayed dusty shrines to this one:

...and this one:

...along with moving display honoring Vietnam veterans and several examples of taxidermy gone wrong. I didn't know a cat could look so used. Sweet widdle Cuddles will be with us forever though.

Now, I'm not saying that this obviously republican store proprietor would have killed and stuffed us for wearing Obama t-shirts in his store. He did ask what our shirts meant afterall and then offered to sell us a "Where's the birth certificate?" bumper sticker.

He would have taken us out for saying something about his charging us for the bumper sticker even though we politely declined to purchase one.

What kind of classy store was this? A store you would have stopped at too if you had the opportunity. A three generation family owned fireworks store, selling items that make big booms which are highly illegal in most of the country. I have, right at this very moment, enough roman candles in my garage to hail Caesar in all his incarnations, from pizza to dog food. We are gonna sneak off somewhere, light them, and then run away real quick.

This store was third generation piled to the rafters with boxes of gunpowder, which, when lit with indignation, would have blown us all, stuffed badgers and baby alligators included, up to right wing inbred creationist conservative heaven.

The thought of which wouldn't really be too bad because I know I'd gal pal it up with Tammy Faye right away. She's my sister from another mother. Hmmm...not as pithy. Anyhow, eventually we'd find Cuddles and become our own little family without a need for revamping the health care system or civil marriage.

Had I mentioned that Justin was a war veteran I think the store owner might have pooped himself...then lit the inventory.

Next time we pass through this town we're going to the other fireworks retailer because we like variety. I'll have custom shirts made up for the trip. Bright yellow ones that declare, "We didn't start the fire!"

Or, "We didn't fart the blue dart!"

I voted for Bob Dole I'll have you know.

Yeah, too little, too late.

You can buy your own "That One" T-shirt HERE. I don't care where you wear it.


  1. That taxidermied cat scares the hell out of me. I think I may have Pet Cemetary nightmares tonight.

  2. Did you ever get down to Quartzsite, Arizona to visit Paul Miner's book store? He is the one who wears an interesting outfit to work. Well, he wears the same outfit all over. You probably remember my photo of he and I from my blog back in 2006.

  3. is that a 'hitler look-alike' cat? scary!

  4. Funny, the world is filled with some crazy peeps.


Absent Minded Archives