Monday, July 20, 2009

I need a styptic pencil. A big one.

Something is medically wrong with my children's feet.

I haven't noticed any outwards symptoms. There are no rashes. No hives. No funny hairs. No change in skin tone. No swelling. No deformities.

Yet, these children of mine have insisted on putting their feet on one another and then crying when the foot receiver objects. All is relieving when a toe is up another child's nose or a heel is dug firmly in another child's side. All that is comfortable and pleasant tragically ends when the foot is forcibly removed from breeched personal space. Begin wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Something WILL be medically wrong with my children's feet if I cannot emphatically convince them to stop it. Stop it right now. Knock it off. For the love of God keep your feet off your brother! Don't make me get the hose!

That is, I will saw off their feet with the CutCo knife I was given as a Christmas gift a couple years back. Those knives are sharp despite their business model.

Predictably those little gits will put their tongues or eyebrows or earlobes on each other, seeing as they are without feet.

This remaining month of summer is going to be messy.


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