Monday, August 10, 2009

Southern Exposure.

I have the honor of sitting in my sister's house, in Utah suburbia, where the neighbor has just come over with a strange looking bottle of free jam. Personally, I'm a fan of free jam. The jam you buy is so impersonal. It's like whoring out the berries.

So, for your reading pleasure, an interview with my little sister Jill. Neither of us went through puberty until our late twenties.

Jill: I went through puberty after the birth of my third child.

Becky: Me too. It was horrible.


Becky trying to figure out puberty, age 25


Becky: I wanted to talk to you about the overuse of the moose theme in your home decor. What is up with that?
Jill: I got cowboys too.

Becky: Let's not try to get off the subject. You have a hell of a lot of moose. The whole antler thing, is it Freudian? Cowboys don't have antlers.
Jill: Mooses make me happy.



Becky: Like moose as Xanax?
Jill: Moose look good with my fireplace.

Becky: That is definitely Freudian. Flaming antlers. Do you need psychological help?
Jill farts...then laughs.

Becky: I'm unsure that it's healthy being in your home at all. All these flaming gaseous antlers. Suddenly I feel I should prance. Hold my nose, and prance.
Jill: Prance your ass back home then.

Becky: Yeah, well, your mother dressed you funny.
Jill: Our mom bought us the same clothes.

Becky: Cowboy clothes...70's polyester cowboy clothes.
Jill: Polyester breathes.



Becky: Does that explain the moose thing then? Polyester? Flaming yellow polyester?
Jill: No.

Jill: Am I being difficult?

Becky: It's to be expected in this environment.

Jill: Shit.

Then she farts again.


Moose. Beware of moose.

5 comments:

  1. i always love your interviews.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really don't think I followed that interview very well. Jill must be a fan of our baseball team- their mascot is a moose. Cute pictures though.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Polyester Breathes" Oh that is just BS. Try making it breathe in Georgia in the summer.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am sure that if Jill,,, can i call her Jilly (all the players on my last hockey team added a "y" to everyones name) had a favourite hockey team it would be the Manitoba Moose.

    Perhaps the next time Jilly farts she can blame the moose. If u were ever chased by a moose u would do more than fart, believe me!

    They still have some large moose monuments around Toronto. Maybe Jilly actually thinks her town is part of Toronto,,,,who knows! We will never figure it out afterall u have to consider who her sister is!

    Cute swing pic by the way.
    Erf

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am sure that if Jill,,, can i call her Jilly (all the players on my last hockey team added a "y" to everyones name) had a favourite hockey team it would be the Manitoba Moose.

    Perhaps the next time Jilly farts she can blame the moose. If u were ever chased by a moose u would do more than fart, believe me!

    They still have some large moose monuments around Toronto. Maybe Jilly actually thinks her town is part of Toronto,,,,who knows! We will never figure it out afterall u have to consider who her sister is!

    Cute swing pic by the way.
    Erf

    ReplyDelete

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