Monday, September 14, 2009

At least it doesn't taste like Puppy Chow.

Every night, before I go to bed, I spread white goo all over my teeth.

It was my dentist's idea. Then I wrote him a check. When your dentist makes a recommendation on anything, from gum to interior decoration, you must consider if he's the leftover dentist from the 9 out of 10 and if he's not you go for it.

He says my enamel is thinning. He told me this after I got a good gawk at the back of his head and the hair replacement scar he's got running from ear to ear. Now I know he's not the leftover dentist. He's a thinning expert.

I left the office with package of GC MI Paste Plus. I put on my hard hat, rub this cement on my teeth with my finger and let it sit on my teeth for ten minutes. Eventually I'll develop diamond hard superhero or anchorman teeth. Or, at least, those dreams I have where my teeth crumble into dust and I run around my life sucking on my gums will abate somewhat.

The package directions say the product is activated with saliva and so as you let it sit on your teeth your mouth fills up within seconds. Hello Pavlov, I'm home!

Does this look like a man who sits around with goo on his teeth, trying not to swallow his saliva, for ten to fifteen minutes?

Pavlov doesn't even look like he's got thinning hair.

I'm sure he's a hit with the ladies. Thick hair, thick beard, and an obsession with drooling dogs.

At least my dentist is clean shaven...all down his neck...but he misses the gorilla coming up out of his collar.



  1. He has a hairy gorilla back?

    Gah!You have a lot of self control. I would have had to bite it and yank it out of his collar.

  2. I think it was on Facebook that I remarked that any dentist I've visited has been a yeti under his clothes and completely bald on top. I think that sort of testosterone is a prequalification to the profession.

  3. Yuck. I may have to rethink that damn whitening junk I use all the time if that is the cure for the enamel breakdown it is supposed to cause.

  4. Actually Christine, it's not half bad stuff. Tastes pleasant. All the sensitivity I've had since I was a teenager has disappeared. No joke. I used to brush my teeth with warm water because cold was more than my enamel could handle. That's done with and I've only been applying for a little over two weeks.

    My teeth have become whiter too. My dentist gave me some bleach to use with my trays but I haven't used it yet. I'm going to start bleaching in a couple months or so.

    The sensation of it hardening your teeth is interesting.

  5. You have the whitest teeth I've ever come across.

  6. My dentist doesn't have hair sticking out of the collar and I don't think she is thinning on top. I have no idea about other places. But, she is a neat gal and enjoys her mochas, so must be a good person. I see her often if I am early enough at my Starbucks. Which isn't very often now that I'm married again.


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