Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I gots a booger on my elbow and I can't flick it off.

All the world is coated in hand sanitizer.

Because of pigs. Dirty pigs. Flu mongers.

The public service announcements are full in force. Don't spread germs. Wash your hands. Don't share cutlery or drinking glasses or chewing gum. Buy gallons of hand sanitizer and use it. Buy some for your friends. Make your children bathe in it.

What I like best? The recommendation that you cough or sneeze into the crook of your elbow.

And now, at every public place I go, I'm inspecting the crooks of everyone's elbows for fluids and crusts. Much like you'd feign to shake hands with a person who has just wiped off their nose with the backs of their hands you don't want to hug a person who has just violently sneezed into their elbow and has a large yellow swipe drying there.

Our president is even recommending that we cough or sneeze in this fashion and now I can't keep my eyes off his sleeves. I'd hug the president if he'd let me. He looks more cuddly than either Bush and less germy than Clinton even with congestion.

I understand that you don't open doors, or use the remote, or type at your keyboard with the crook of your elbow, therefore limiting the spread of germs with the hands you used to sneeze into, but I'm unconvinced that the crook of your elbow is any better. I touch a lot of things every day with the crook of my elbow.

Namely my kids. My kids are always lounging around in the crooks of my elbows. My husband likes to get in there too. And the cat, who never wears clothes and has sneezed on me more than once, loves to snuggle in my elbows. Laundry, dishes, cooking, taxidermy, all things I do with my inner arms.

Not to mention the things I that go on with the crooks of my elbows during sex. Holy guacamole! It'll blow you away.

To answer this crook messiness, companies are now making sleeves out of tissue which you pull up over your elbow. This works much like putting that awkward piece of paper over a public toilet seat before you sit your butt down where other butts have been. The germs stay on the tissue, which you can throw away, and you don't end up with crabs up your nose.

The thing is...don't you have to remove this tissue sleeve with your hands after you blow your fluids into it to throw it away?

Sigh. Use your hand santizer then give up.


  1. President Obama surely doesn't cough into his elbow. He coughs into the Secret Service guy's elbow.

  2. Have fun checking out those crookes!


  3. snerk! And then ya get sick anywhoos!

  4. Bon...should've let that nurse look at your sleeves.

  5. Ha! We're both all about viruses today. Imagine what all those face masks must look like after being sneezed in all day. Gross...

  6. I just sneeze into crooks, in general.

    Our local crime rate is way down.

    They hate that shit.


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