Tuesday, September 08, 2009

It's just a speech...it ain't Kim Jong Il

In a half hour I'm going to be exposing my children to insidious indoctrination.

That is, I sent them to school and I'm allowing them to listen to our legally elected president speak about being responsible for actually doing homework and subsequently turning that homework into a teacher type person to be graded. Attend school and learn to read/write/cipher.

If I had to rephrase President Obama's speech it would go something like this:

Hey, you, kid! Quit scratching "fuk u" on state property with the tip of your safety scissors and sniffing the white board markers. Read a book dammit. Learn how to find South America on a map. What if all the calculators stopped workin'? Huh? What would happen then! No one is going to give you a job programming "Rock Band 47 - Boy Band Edition" right out of high school.

Of course, it ain't MY kid misspelling vulgar words on the desks. Everyone else's kid is. My kid knows it's you and not u.

This weekend, I chanced upon a teen that could use thirty minutes of sitting still and contemplating her future. In the three minutes I was exposed to her eye rolling in the checkout line at the store it took most of my composure to not smack her around some.

Her much older sister was with her and I could tell she'd had enough of her too.

Our debutante was complaining to sis that "Mom and Dad had better grow a pair and let me drive the car up the canyon so I don't have to get a ride to the party!" Hair twirl, hair twirl, gnaw on the acrylic nail, pull the Nair shorts out of the butt crack, smack gum, eye roll.

Older sister didn't say anything. Debutante then took a sharpie pen out of the display near the checkstand and proceeded to try to misspell vulgarities on the store fixtures. Older sister smacked her hand and the sharpie was returned to it's spot.

Grow a pair? I hope to the good lord above that they've got a pair because we need them to save us from you for another five years at least. How you can drive up canyon roads while twirling your hair, gnawing on your nails, pulling your clothes out of your nooks and crannies, and smacking your gum is beyond me.

Barack Obama has a message about the importance of education to the text generation? Lay it on me. Lay it on my kids. Lay it on Debutante before she breeds.

If you disagree with it you are free to misspell vulgarities all you like.


  1. No misspelled vulgarities here, but a lot of chuckles.

    I am sorry to say that Debutante has been cloned and they are living all across the U.S. I know because one of them lives across the street from me.

  2. It must be global, as we have them in Australia too *sigh* - children are our future? Oh dear ...

  3. When I think back as to what I was at that age, I can't really fault the teens of this generation. They may be daffy but they seem to spend most of their waking hours straight and not high on pot which was more than we did.

  4. They are really all over. I found it hard to understand why some of our local schools didn't let their students watch the President's speech. I think it was pretty well explained to the world what the general subject was and that there was no political spin added. I guess some people are just too paranoid to listen.


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