Friday, October 09, 2009

Don't worry, I didn't leave a stain.

That worn place on the carpet is where I've been dragging my ass.

I hate this...I really hate this. The physical symptoms of hormonal upheaval that I've complained of before are nothing compared to what it's recently done to my brain...my moods...my entire sense of self. Happened quick too. Last month the water's fine. This month someone's peed in it and it's obvious that they've binged on asparagus. Lightly sauteed in butter with garlic.

Is the asparagus thing funny? I dunno. My funny bits have locked themselves into a panic room and they won't come out. Fart jokes don't even amuse me anymore.

That's exactly how bad it is.

Cross fingers, relief should be coming to my mailbox soon.

And Sunday we'll be trooping to the closest amusement park, a trip I need desperately.

My thoughts keep returning to my paternal Grandmother. To put it politely she had more less than sane moments than sane ones. Her less than sane moments, the paranoia, the racing thinking, the depression, the hoarding, began in her 30's. Eventually she suffered from an alzheimer's like condition which compassionately took her life at age 75.

If this DMV line that is my brain is not my hormones being off, am I going to start compulsively storing ketchup packets and 100's of skeins of yarn? Am I going to nail shut my windows and accuse the meter reader of stealing my Christmas ornaments? Will agoraphobia become a delightful and persistent hobby? Is that what my next forty years is going to consist of?

No...of course not...but my estrogen dominant, progesterone low, brain is SURE of it.

I enjoy being a girl?

Sometimes. Perimenopause is SHIT though.

7 comments:

  1. You're far too young to be suffering from perimenopausal humorlessness. This should amuse you, though: Fart Stories in Real Life. Sometimes my husband and I converse via the gaseous effluvia of our digestive tracts. We both want to get the last "word" in, and we're both stubbornly competitive so you can see where this goes.

    My mom was a crazy hoarder before her hormone levels began to dip. Take heart.

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  2. If it turns out that it's not the whole estrogen thing, you talk to me.

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  3. I'm pretty sure it's a hormone thing. I started in with hot flashes again today. Haven't had any of those since I began my progesterone pills. I need more woman goo.

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  4. And if it's not a hormone thing and is instead an inherited grandma thing, Meggy darling, we're scheduling a trip to Vegas together.

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  5. I of course really don't understand these hormonal things that women experience but I hope you either move through it quickly or can match the medication to the problem so that it goes away. See there how easy it can be to solve?

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  6. Yep...the asparagus bit was quite funny, sorry you didn't get to enjoy it as much as I did.

    By the by... I was thrilled to get your comment on my last post, you being the costumery queen and all!

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  7. I thought I was having the Grandma thing when I started having my mini-seizures after I turned 20. That is why I never told anyone and tried to hide them. NOT a good idea. If you are gonna be like Grandma I promise to cut off all your hair, perm it really tight, and put you in a lovely mumu. That is the the kind of sister I am.

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