I'll know something's up when I grow 4 more teats.

Since Wednesday my throat has been coated in Bic disposable razors and Tabasco sauce.

Could that statement be an effective pick up line in a bar?  One of you try it out and get back to me.

Maybe it's swine flu.  I didn't get a vaccination.  Not that I didn't think I needed one but in my small community and because of limited supply, other people needed theirs a hell of a lot more than me. 

I just sneezed and now every time I breathe in through my nose it does smell kinda porky.

Better than mouthbreathing and having it taste like bacon.

Or chitlins.