Tuesday, November 17, 2009

No health insurance premiums ever again!

I've finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. 

At 35 years old it is time to grow up.  Soon I'll have every kid I've ever given birth to within institutions of book learnun and my days of bon bon eating will be done for.  I'm looking forward to not being asked by nonsensical people what I do all day.

In considering a career path it's important it mesh well with your personality and goals.  I'd like to have a lot of interaction with people from all walks of life.  Make a difference.  Do something filled with creativity.

The economy factors in as well.  It would be silly of me to decide on a career path that offers little future and a poor retirement package. I don't have to make millions but financial comfort would be nice.

This is why I've decided to become a vampire.

Vampires are AWESOME.

I have the skillz to become a vampire too.  I have the hair.  I have the teeth.  I have the overbearing sensuality.  I have the daytime sleeping habits right down.  Dad gum, I'm right pale!

All I need is a bustier, some smokey eyeshadow and hypnotic powers.  Maybe some work on my backwoods vocabulary.

It's easy to be a vampire in just about any location too.  There are no worries about outsourcing or outdated production and technologies.  No layoffs.  No commute.  No office supplies.  No TPS reports.

Ultimately no customer complaints either.

Of course, no career is without it's downsides.  That whole stake in the heart thing.  Can't say I'd look forward to that.  I'd miss fruit smoothies too.  And chewing gum.

What I don't have is any contacts.  Help me network people.  Tell me where to send my resume'. 

Gotta get in on the ground floor before the market is flooded.


  1. I have no idea where to send your resume. What do i look like, a blood bank!


  2. Hm. don't you have to have a degree for that or something?

  3. From what I've been seeing on TV the current headquarters for vampires and the like (werewolves, etc.) seems to be in the small Olympic Peninsula town that is just a few miles west of where I live, named Forks. Google Forks, WA and I guess just mail your resume to the Postmaster there and leave it up to him/her as to whom to deliver it to.

    However, have you considered that by the next national election in 2012 you will be old enough to run for President of the United States? Go out and buy Sarah Palin's new book and study up on the subject. And you don't have teenage daughters to worry about them getting pregnant while you are a candidate and that hurting your candidacy. Retired Presidents live real well, on the public dole. Just look at all of them that we are supporting at this time.

  4. Since you live in the middle of nowhere (i take it); your set.
    You appear to be hot, sarcastic as hell, and you can take a bite out of men (or women which would be a plus). So take a coffin break, and submit blindly to Craig's list - I am sure you'll find takers!

    PS - love the site and yes, I was being a wiseass to my buddy moooogster.

  5. Isn't that what moms do after the kids go back to school?


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