Friday, November 20, 2009

Ode to Oh-pur

The morning Oprah wore her anchor suit and reported news of one kind

and another

the public called her "THE OPRAH!"
and Oprah said "HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?"
so she signed a syndication deal and began a diet.

That very night in Oprah's room an empire grew.

and grew-

and grew until her ceiling hung with shadow reducing stage lighting
and the walls became a set all around

and a video camera panned by with a filtered lens for Oprah
and she taped through mornings and afternoons

and in and out of seasons
and almost near a quarter century
to where the housewives are.

And when she came to the place where the housewives are
they cheered their adoring cheers and smiled their adoring smiles

and jumped up on their adoring feet and clapped their adoring hands

till Oprah said "AHA MOMENT!"
and tamed them with a giveaway

of placing a self help book under all their studio chairs without charging them anything
and they were estatic and called her the most influential TV personality of all

and made her queen of all housewives

"And now," cried Oprah, "My favorite things!"

"Live your best life!" Oprah said and sent the housewives back to their realties
with all kinds of tips and goodies.  Then Oprah the queen of all housewives was lonely
and wanted to be where she could live her best life of all.

Then all around from far away across the world
she smelled good things to eat
so she gave up being queen of daytime television.

But the housewives cried, "Oh please don't go-
how will we live?-we love you so!"
And Oprah said, "No!"

The housewives cheered their adoring cheers and smiled their adoring smiles
and jumped up on their adoring feet and clapped their adoring hands
but Oprah stepped back behind the camera and waved goodbye

and closed a quarter century
and in and out of seasons
and through mornings and afternoons

and arrived at the dusk of her very own reality
where she found an aha moment waiting for her

and it was still hot.


  1. What is she going to do next, any idea?


  2. Fuck Oprah, what's gonna happen to Stedman?!?!?


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