Monday, December 14, 2009

Help me Ma Bell!

My cell phone has a germ.  It's dying.

It's five years old.  That's ancient in cell phone terms.  It doesn't text.  It doesn't take photos.  It doesn't play MP3s.  It won't access my email.  It can't grill paninis or whip up smoothies. 

My landline phone has been ringing off the hook all morning.  Do I really need another ringtone in addition?  Are there any ringtones which don't annoy the living hell out of everyone? 

I'm drawn to those superphones for the sheer nifty doodad value.  Who needs a crusty and torn magazine while waiting at the doctor's office when you can whip out your phone and update your Twitter and Facebook with, "I'm waiting to see the Dr.  I hate waiting!"  With that covered you can move on to Farmville or Mobsters, take a picture of the woman sitting across from you sneaking peeks into her tissue and send that to everyone, then go ahead and pay your copay by punching a couple buttons.

I barely use my phone now, do I really want to pay for doodads?  How much do you pay for doodads anyway?  If I got a crackberry on Amazon for a penny and sign up for a two year contract, how much am I really paying if I add all the extras that you buy a crackberry for?

My husband's phone is dying too.  Is a happy marriage one where we both own a crackberry?

Maybe I should just cancel phone service altogether and get one of them "as seen on TV" internet phones for all my long distance needs.  That's all I use my cell phone for now.

Well, there was that one time I called the number on a "How's my driving?" bumper sticker, because the driving was indeed unskilled and dangerous, and got hung up on.  Customer service at it's finest.

If I get a phone with doodads I can Twitter or Facebook about the dangerous driver, look up his plates, find out his home address, look that up on google maps, then decide exactly the sneakiest course to go toilet paper his house...and then lurk on his wife's blog.



Danke Schein?  Day 14 of my audio advent calendar is Wayne Newton styling Jingle Bell Hustle

I'd do the bump with Wayne, yes I would.


  1. Although my phone isn't as old as yours, I don't do the internet on it either and really don't get the attraction. Well, other than reading blogs while in traffic. And maybe checking a bank balance before I slam down the visa debit for those new pradas that are on sale. Maybe to check email to see if that head hunter found me a good lead...

    HOLY SHIT. I really want one of these!! Gotta go ask SCM for one for christmas. falalalala.


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