Monday, February 01, 2010

Crunchy little snacks...

I spent parts of my morning doing housework.

Surprise surprise there. A housewife doing housework. Did you watch Dr. Pheel too Mrs. Butterworth, did you?

Well yes, he's on, it's background noise. I'm not really watching. That's beyond the point. The point is that I spent some time washing my walls. It's about time too. Three boys means I have Van Gogh's forming about four feet high down the hall.

Would Van Gogh be offended by my comparison when I admit that my son's medium of choice is snot?

Boogers. My kids wipe their boogers on the walls.

What the hell?

I explicitly remember that these children of mine were not born in barns.

Hold that thought. I've got to turn off Dr. Pheel's train wreck, it's getting whiny, and turn on Dr. Oz's guilt trip. I had raw food for lunch and now I'm gassy, you hear that Dr. Oz? Gassy. You have pointy ears.

Boogers...right. Why in the world am I the one washing dried snot off my walls? I didn't put the snot there. I am not the lazy one that can't move my body three more steps into the hall bathroom to wipe a booger off my finger the proper way. In my thirty five years on the planet I have learned to not place my boogers any place considered eye level.

Here's irony. Dr. Oz is doing a segment on frostbite. A cold person might find that their extremities freeze off and then booger picking and wiping is a difficult procedure.

I'm gonna chop by kids fingers off if I'm forced to chisel nose monuments off the walls again. Yup. Chop chop.

Then, wouldn't you know it, the kids would just wipe their noses directly onto the wall just to spite me.

Noses get frostbitten too don't they?

Chop chop has a limit. Meh. Less mess just to clean the walls I suppose.


  1. "In my thirty five years on the planet I have learned to not place my boogers any place considered eye level." Hahahahahahaha-Me too.

  2. I read this post while drinking juice. Fantastic and not at all disgusting! :D

  3. My boy hides his boogers in his bed.

    It's like they're either all napping, or I've stumbled upon a booger Jonestown catastrophe.


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