Thursday, February 25, 2010

From humble beginnnings...

I am talented.

I'm serious. I. Am. Awesome. I have skillz. There are traits and inclinations that were bestowed upon me when I was pooped upon this planet that I can exercise much better than alot of other people who were pooped on this planet.

If I entered contests utilizing these skillz I'd get a steenkin' prize.

And if I didn't get the top prize because judges can't or won't recognize my brilliance, well hell, I'd declare my own top prize. A superior prize. The platinum prize. Because I'm Awesome.

For instance, I am a marvelous stitcher on of sequins. My sequins are sparkly and well placed. My sequins are never gaudy unless I mean them to be. My sequins are superior. Therefore I declare myself the recipient of the Platinum Sequin Stitcher Award, podium and speech not necessary.

I am a keeper of the best pancake recipe the world has known and when I make them I include the dedication and love that makes pancakes a delicacy. Light, fluffy, a quickbread where syrup can only enhance the fineness of the crumb. I flip superior flapjacks and so I offer myself the Platinum Pancake Medal. Thank you.

If there is something you have trouble finding on the internets, I can Google any subject better than any other computer nerd out there. I can sift through information better than any other housewife on the planet. I can find a singular grain of sand on the digital beach. My typing skillz are sharpened by the ability to determine perfect and specific search terms. It's my pleasure to accept the Platinum Googling Guru Plaque. I'm going to hang it in my bathroom.

Also I am the past recipient and ongoing champ of:
-The Platinum Packing Peanut Round-Up Prize
-The Platinum Passive Project Runway Watching Award
-The Platinum Unstick the Garbage Disposal with the Handle of a Plunger Trophy
-The Socks Not Matching the Rest of my Outfit Platinum Cup

You may look at all my accolades but don't touch.

Wouldn't want my greatness to rub off on you if you are unprepared for it.

5 comments:

  1. Packing peanuts are the devil creation. If you can work with those suckers, I bow to your greatness.

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  2. Are you going to share this pancake recipe so I can get a taste of your greatness?

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  3. Too bad I had to win gold in all of these in order for you to get Platinum.....

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  4. Rub away!

    That sounds EXACTLY how I wanted it to sound.

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  5. You are awesome, AMHW, and I'd love to watch Runway with you and dish afterwards. I'll bring the brownies ;).

    ReplyDelete

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