Tuesday, February 09, 2010

This ain't no Pam or Paris tape, so quit throwing popcorn.

I'm funny lookin' and so is my husband.

I did ask him if I could open the post this way. He agreed to his part. He's funny lookin'. He's got Andy Rooney eyebrows.

When we go out in public I know that people look at the two of us together and wonder how we get along in bed. I know that because I wonder the same thing about the people I see and the people that see us and think that way...well they smirk. There's some interesting imagery. It's easy to imagine Barbie and Ken making the beast with two backs but it's more of an exercise in mental gymnastics to imagine Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum bringing sexy back.

We amaze ourselves everyday that we've had handsome children. They very well could have been overly skinny dangly things with fat noses and eyebrows that could leave home and rent their own apartments.

Justin is the one that described his nose as fat. I would have termed it as more bulbous. Not quite Karl Malden...it's way cuter. Adds to his appeal.

I'm the dangly spastic one in our marital maintenance equation. Justin doesn't think I look funny and he's seen me naked a time or two. He lies and that's sweet.

Yeah, I'm adding to your imagery. Take away my stretch marks in your head would ya?

The point is that this imagining how other funny looking people manage to get 'er dun is not a hobby that's going to make me any money or save my soul so I should quit all this mental exercising I'm doing, shouldn't I? Someone already cornered the market with Awkward Family Photos and People of Walmart. That gravy train whizzed right by my knobby knees. Left a bunch of diesel exhaust behind.

Oooh, I'm lightheaded!

I can't be bitter though. I've been thinking of Andy Rooney and Karl Malden in the back of a Buick for a half hour. It's kept me cheerful and optimistic. It's only a matter of time before someone pays me for my brain processes.

You don't have to pay me for the Andy Karl rendezvous image, of course. That was a freebie.

Don't say I never gave ya nothin'.


  1. What always amazes me is when to "beautiful" people have children and they look like monkeys without fur. I guess there's no way to plan how your genes are going to mingle after you do the horizontal shuffle.

  2. I simply LOVE the comments that go like this "Your daughter looks nothing like you. She is SOOOO gorgeous!"

    Ummm, thank you? fuck you?

  3. I love to play the "Ew, how do THEY do it?" game.


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