Thursday, February 11, 2010

Wrapped in cellophane, touched by an angel.

In part because of guilt, and in part because of my aging anatomy, and lastly in part of Dr. Oz's and Oh-pur's influence, I've been trying to incorporate more raw foods into my diet.

This isn't a new year's resolution. I just like a timely poo.

Which means one of my favorite raw foods, a nice crunchy wedge of cabbage, times these poos in even two hour increments from about 1 pm to bedtime.

There have also been carrots, apples, raw sweet potato and oatmeal. Sexy foods.

You can't imagine how clear headed a person feels after all that elimination. It's liberating in a way. Like spring cleaning and deep tissue massage all wrapped up in one fiber filled package. I've been bouncing out of the bathroom like it was Christmas morning.

...and then Justin brought home a box of Twinkies.

If I had the time to make a glittering Twinkie GIF I would. Golden auras of beautiful delicious cake calling all toward it guaranteeing spiritual epiphanies and two bites of bliss.

Justin doesn't eat Twinkies. He got himself a box of Ding Dongs. He loves me and he brought me home a box of cuddles. Cabbages are not cuddly.

So I ate these Twinkies.

Not all in one sitting...but close enough.

Which caused me to lose any motivation to move any part of my body not related to my right hand moving toward my mouth.

And then my brain shut off.

All I was left with until my balking digestive system worked through all that shortening was a bland sense having once been happy and a film in my mouth.

Christmas was over. My toys ran out of battery power.

If we stuff Dr. Oz full of Twinkie cream will the man ever die? He won't be the perky man we love but he'll live forever. If we stuff Oh-pur full of Twinkie cream will the woman ever....meh, nevermind.

I apologize to the Hostess company for limiting my Twinkie consumption to once or twice a year. I'm more sorry than you know. Middle age has found me and I can't eat like that anymore.

I'm switching to crumb Donettes. The crumb part has fiber I'm sure.


  1. Eat 'em and love 'em. No one near you wants you eating raw cabbage all damned day! You become a dangerous explosive and if someone lights a match .....

  2. I gave up Twinkies some years ago for probably the same reasons that you are thinking that you should. But every once in a while..... I have heard they are perfect for Time Capsules as I don't think they ever reach their eat by date.

    As to your healthy foods, I like apples and sweet potato fries. Coleslaw is okay if the dressing is sweet enough and shaved carrots do dress up a green salad nicely.


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