Monday, March 15, 2010

@#%???!!!

Hello bloggy, my old friend.

Anyone else having a sunny day today? You know, that fiery round doo-hickey in the sky that beams warm and light filled rays onto the surface of the planet, causing the snow to melt and my cat to decide it wants to go outside to beat hell into other cats?

Which is better than the grey, foggy, overcast days that have filled up the entirety of my winter months causing my mood to turn into pulsing angry B-movie type radioactive sludge.  Put on a pointy bra, run from the giant earwig and get to blogging already

This post WILL be full of expletives of a sort. There is no other way to describe this winter's foulness. My seasonal affective disorder chamber pot needs a good toss out the back porch...so duck...this 'uns full.

Don't approve of expletives? You may go HERE.

I went to the dentist last week. He told me to floss more. I told him I would but inside I was thinking, "I do fiddlin' floss you fletching tooth twerp. Bite me." If my dentist is reading? Your hair looks good and I really do think you are one of the better dentists that I've had in my mouth. I apologize for my mood.

After the dental appointment I stopped by the grocery store where a high school club of a less athletic sort had set up a table in the foyer selling baked goods. I spent four dollars on brownies and cookies. The kids put my treats nicely into a bag but I was thinking, "Don't fark up my brownies. I will frackin' kill you."  I apologize for that...the brownies and cookies were good and didn't cause any food poisoning. Lord knows I need more carbs this winter.

Apologies are extended to a state level politician who used a computer calling service to inform me I could participate in a telephone town hall meeting. That prompted a vocal, "Telephone town hall meeting? That's furping stupid.  You call that a fribbing telephone conference because you ain't got a motherfrigging geographic location!" and I'll stand by that.  If I get no more calls from a certain party I know I have been recorded without my consent.

Apologies also go to my cat, who I cursed at in a sleepy moment when he stepped on the snooze button on my radio at three in the morning. Usually I'd just throw a balled up sock at him and leave out the, "Get off my flapping radio you retarded animal!" completely out of the equasion.

Only this morning I flipped, fetched and farked at my coffee maker, my garbage disposal, my detachable shower head and my tax filing software. 

Sun's out now though.

Dried my euphemisms right up.  None too soon.

6 comments:

  1. Someone needs a hug...or a valium...

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  2. Got my period yesterday....so...yeah....

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  3. MAha hahahahahahaaa! Shoot me right the flurp NOW! Gotta get some spring going, 'fore there is a two state killing spree.

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  4. ...and parenting this 16 year old child of mine IS NOT HELPING.

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  5. Find a few gfs for the 16 year old. Tell him to spend more time at their house so he can bug the gfs parents.

    We have been getting lots of sun this week and most of the snow has melted,,,weeehaaa. I went outside on the deck to bbq a couple times and the cat wasnt far behind. Now if the neighbour could get rid of his garbage so the racoons would stop making their morning visits, everything would be fine.



    Erf

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  6. When your euphemisms dry up, I hear the detachable shower head works wonders.

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