Monday, March 01, 2010

It's hard for me to kick against the pricks.

An acquaintance of an acquaintance of mine, being very concerned with all this seismic activity around the globe, has done her part for natural disaster relief by making a righteous observation about all the nations of the earth being called to repentance.

As in, fire and brimstone, y'all.

Not knowing the will of God as well as she does, all I can do is remark on the end of days in my own unsure and fallible human way. I woke up to my own 6.0 earthquake not long back and I feel I'm in a position to offer an opinion on Armageddon. That and my carbon footprint is amazingly small.

Screw repentance. This is the one time in existence where mayhem is going to be the norm and I'm going to make the most of it.

If the world is ending I want to try some pot brownies. I've never been one that found illegal or controlled substances attractive before but if this is the end of days I want to get a hardcore case of the munchies. No one has told me where I can procure marijuana though and that's probably safest for everyone.

I'm gonna jaywalk, woohoo!

If Armageddon can be put off until the warmer months I just might jaywalk without any clothing on. That makes it difficult to carry a concealed weapon and the associated ammunition but I can deal. No way in hell am I going to be doing laundry when the world ends.

I'm going to rip up the pledge I made to Oprah to not talk on my cell phone and drive...or worse, text and drive. No need for a pledge. No need to pay my cell phone bill! No need to text my vote to American Idol, not that I ever voted before.

Finally, I'm going to realize my dream of making a barbecue grill out of a grocery cart.

Until I'm sure it's gonna happen, and I think the same book that advises us to repent is pretty clear on how many horsemen are going to show up, I'll just live my normal everyday, fully dressed on the most part, existence.

...and I'll give because I can.

...and I'll not pay the acquaintance of an acquaintance any more mind. Hope there is enough room on the grocery cart for her ideologies after I spread out the carcasses of my yard gophers I caught to eat in a pinch.

6 comments:

  1. You could add naked bungy jumping to your list. It's an yearly event here and it's legal!!! For charity even!!! A 2-fer!

    Oh, the pot brownies....well, I guess everyones' experience is different, but the few times I tried them - a little disappointing. Better made with hash, lol.

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  2. I bungee jumped once. With clothes on. One time was plenty.

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  3. This made me laugh out loud- I've never had pot brownies but I really really want to try them- maybe if I find out I'm dying?

    Also- found your blog today and love it!

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  4. Pot kicks ass...hehe

    My uncle has done the shopping cart grill thing. Wanna see a picture? LOL

    And who wouldn't want to see you naked?

    Oh, I read your older earthquake post. I wonder if we're kinda close to each other? I live in Nothern California. I've been in CA for 19 months and have already felt 4 earthquakes and have been told about 2 I somehow didn't feel. If this shit hole state is going to break off into the ocean then I want to live it up too so give me a call ;) LOL

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  5. Pot brownies suuuuuuck anyway.

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  6. If you dont time it right and stop doing laundry before u do your naked jaywalk u might just have a good excuse to be doing it naked, lol

    Oh and if u try to combine naked jaywalking with the BBQ thing dont get too close to the BBQ,,,just saying.

    Erf

    Word verification is: Compun
    Does that mean i am using my computer to make a pun?

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