Monday, April 12, 2010

Don't tweak and drive.

I've been touched by the hand of God.

Which has not improved the weather any but has caused the county clerk's office to post notice that my services as a loud, outspoken, uncouth and poorly dressed juror are not needed.

Our accused probably relented, softened his heart, maybe found Jesus, and the trial was taken off calendar. This is fine by me. I can support most anyone in their search for Jesus as long as that search doesn't conclude at my front doorstep with an offer to save me from my evil ways.

I'm a badass music downloader, yo.

Not having to go tomorrow is a relief because they don't allow a potential juror to blog from their smartphones while court is in session. They don't care WHO you need to contact. Even if it's your mother. Nor is it charming in any way to try to blog while you are driving 120 miles to the county seat to serve.

Speaking of...despite Oh-pur's efforts and Utah law, do you know how many wieners I saw talking/texting without a useful bluetooth type device whilst driving with their knees in 75 mph traffic over my spring break? Less than I used to...but still far too many.

In a state where the worst curse word you can utter in public is "crap", I felt it would be my duty as a former resident to start displaying signage on my vehicle that would state, "GET OFF YOUR GODDAMNED PHONE!"

Then, to reiterate the point, more signage displayed explaining, "Offended by my language? I'm offended you are endangering my life with your phone use. My language ain't two tons of steel."

Maybe a less literary finger would get across my opinion on that sort of behavior.

My signs alone would be doing how much of the lord's work in the saving of innocent lives? Could I act as a modern hand of God in this portable drive-thru windowable world with simple sheets of magnetized editorial? Goddamn right I could!

At least in this way maybe I won't be called to jury duty for a fourth time for a cell phone related offense.

When I get call a fourth time I'll stay with meth trials, thank you very much and hallelujah.


  1. Why are you, a Nevada resident, getting called to jury duty in the state of Utah? Jury duty can be kind of interesting, at least if you don't get stuck on a heavy duty case. My wife likes to watch Judge Judy and she sure does have some real winners.

  2. I went to Utah last week on vacation...that's where my family lives.

  3. They recently passed a law that says u cant use a cell phone or any non-hands free device while driving here. The day after it became law i saw my neighbour, who just happens to be a cop, using his phone while driving. I guess the law doesnt apply to cops,,, or does it!

    Your sign/ bumper stickes might be a hot selling item.



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