Wednesday, April 14, 2010

So NOT an episode of Sex in the City, which I never watched, sorry.

Unless you've already got your hands down there already, and since you're reading my blog who could blame you, I want you all put your hands down your pants and feel around your groin area. Go ahead. Do it.

Hey not, let's not get that enthusiastic about the idea. Slow down. Contemplate.

Get a little weepy about it if you like.

If I'm channeling you correctly you should start feeling a wistful ache.

Which shouldn't feel anything like the sensation climbing the rope in gym class. While I like my readers and other hangers on, I don't like you well enough to provide that cheap of a thrill. If that's what you are feeling, you are doing it wrong and you should try again.

I'm talking about the ache of once vibrant baby making anatomy never being used for baby making again, about another phase of life gone with the winds of time, about entering middle age, about my body figuring that it's high time to start drooping.

I registered my third and last child for kindergarten today.

That's the ache you feel in your groin. It's my mortality. My ovaries are withering.

The last child.


Yesterday I took his carseat out of my fabulous mini vin, tossed that in a dumpster, and installed a manlier looking booster seat. We're down to the last sippy cup in the cabinet. His clothes are big enough to be hung on adult sized hangers. Yo Gabba Gabba hasn't been watched for months. He has been commenting on The Huffington Post.

In two school years the first child will graduate high school.


He walks about and leaves curly hairs and splatters of testosterone wherever he goes. It's frightening. None of that will prepare him for the world.

I don't even feel prepared for the world and there my kids go off and grow up on me. Little turds.

None of you are reading any of this are you? You're all stuck on your climbing the rope in gym class sensations.

You can take your hands out of your pants now.

Go wash them.

...and under your nails too.

See you on chat roulette all next school year.


  1. Aw.

    I'd say something cute and nice here but now I have to go rub off this chubby.

    Thanks a lot.

  2. LOL, just in case u havent been told today,,,u r a nut.

    Dont u wish kids didnt get older. Next thing u know yours will be picking your nursing home.


  3. Sigh.

    and again...

    Sigh. They just keep getting older and bigger and eesh... sigh.


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