Thursday, July 15, 2010

Bi-assed

I've programmed a new number into the speed dial on my cell phone.

Do you realize how amazing that statement is?  I learned how to run my cell phone!  I learned how to text!  Everyday I can text random people in my life with pithy questions like, "how ru?" and "wazzup?" and feel superior and in the know!  It's fabulous!

In return I get photo texts from my sister's husband featuring naked men and naked horses with amazingly similar parts of their anatomies.  It's the thought that counts.

This new number?  Only the most satisfying number I've ever called that doesn't begin with a 900 prefix or include any equine species.

I got called to jury duty for a fourth time earlier this month and yet again I've called the jury duty hotline for my county and learned that the trial was taken off calendar.  There is no need for me to drive 120 miles to the courthouse.  There is no need for me to tell the judge that I'm ready to serve but I must at some point OK my judgement with the little man that lives in my pants...hiccup.  Everyone's been excused!

It's not like I didn't spend enough time in Elko for the entirety of June.  At one point I attempted to feed my kids in an Elko bar but decided against it because of a Biker festival being held in the parking lot across the street.  For all I know the trial I was being called to decide on was a consequence of trying to feed bikers and then I might have been biased in a way.

The "family style" restaurant was located in the back of the bar.  My kids like nuts and pretzels to be sure but I wasn't feeding them in the bar part of the bar. They grilled meats and other sustenance.  No need to put Child Protective Services on speed dial too.

I seriously believe that this repetitive jury duty summoning is the direct reaction of my county's heavily republican government to my registering as a democrat.  This urge I had to participate in the electoral process was on par with some urges I've had after I've eaten particularly spicy chili.  Vote in the primary then wipe off with a prepackaged wet-nap.  Refreshing and lemony.

Someone up at the hallowed halls of the county courthouse is wringing their hands because the accused are making deals and I get to stay home.  They will get me here eventually and then...oh yes...then we can tea party her up real fancy!  Give her a flea dip too.

Until then, maybe I can forward that naked horse text to my local elected officials and prove that I might not be so impartial after all.

2 comments:

  1. Not that I'm complainng at all, but I've only been called to jury duty once ever. And the way it works (or worked at the time, anyway) in Arizona is that you're assigned to a group, each represented with a different letter. You call the day of the assigned jury duty to see if your group needs to show up. My group did need to show up, but the person on trial made a plea bargan, I guess, because I was there for less than an hour before they let us go home.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was called to jury duty exactly 4 weeks after updating my voter registration. And yes, I'm a democrat living in UTAH! Coincidence or conspiracy? I'm not usually one for irrational paranoia, but yes - it's a republican conspiracy. I'm sure of it. FAL.

    ReplyDelete

Absent Minded Archives