Thursday, July 22, 2010

Opening soon: Absent Minded Chop Suey Restaurant

My husband and I have discussed perhaps bringing home a new family member for a couple years now.   Just for context these conversations usually happen when we find ourselves at the PetSmart and not anywhere near a Babies R Us.  We've talked about bringing home a kitten to cuddle and wuv.

These conversations go something like this:

Becky:  Let's go to PetSmart.
Justin:  No.
Becky:  Let's go look at the kitties.
Our kids:  Let's go look at KITTIES!!!!
Justin:  OK.
Becky:  Maybe we will find a kitten instead of an adult cat because maybe our current dumb, gay cat won't trying competing with or diddling with a kitten.  Maybe we could train him to love a wee furball instead of eat him.
Our kids:  Let's get a kitten!
Justin:  No.
Becky:  We're naming the new cat "Buttsteak."

Then, like tools, we find ourselves in the adoptions section of the store manhandling pussies through the bars.

Yet, what's kept me from adopting a kitten in the last two years is the inability of finding a kitten that looks and acts like a "Buttsteak."  You just can't name a kitten that's got adorable fluff coming out of it's ears such a charming name.  Doesn't go.  When you have a name chosen with such promise you need a cat that will fill such large shoes.

For those of you who are unawares, my dumb gay cat is named "Booger" and the name fits him perfectly.

Nowadays the newest reason for not bringing home a Buttsteak is that my neighbor's kitten has decided to take up a semi-permanent residence in my home.  We didn't choose him.  The neighbor chose him.  It seems this cat doesn't choose the neighbor and has instead chosen us. 

Because, we have snacks.  Most everyday for a month this kitten has come into my home to nap and to mooch off me. 

What's more, this kitten doesn't seem to like me.  I like him.  What's not to like about a kitten who flops down like it's body is made out of jello and naps like this?

This cat, it seems, prefers my husband over me.  This cat also drools and farts, so he can have him.

Justin has named this cat Chumlee.  Justin loves this kitten.  Justin gets just as floppy as this kitten when they are both in the house.

Let's not accuse me of kitten-napping.  Chumlee is not being held prisoner.  Chumlee can come and go as he pleases.  Chumlee enjoys napping underneath my master bathroom toilet.  Chumlee gets mildly irritated when you flush.

Booger, who prefers me, has for the most part given Chumlee a wide berth.  Booger does not understand why this kitten is eating out of his dish or gets to go outside at night when he does not.  Booger goes outside at night and wakes the neighborhood with his caterwauling.  So far Chumlee only meows to alert us that it is time to let him through the screen door so he can get to the cat bowl.  Booger has only attempted to eat Chumlee three or four times.

I assume that Chumlee goes home from time to time to eat and fart with his real owners.  I wonder what they call this lump of fur?

Conversations in my home now go like this:

Becky:  Is Chumlee in?
Justin:  I don't know.
Our kids:  Chum bum!  Chum BUM!  Tabby kitty!
Justin:  Don't bug the cat.
Becky:  I have to pee.

Becky:  Found him.


  1. My cats names are Kramer and Lainey (I didn't like Elaine so I used her nickname.) Kramer is just as psychotic as the "real" Kramer. Lainey is a cross eyed inbred dumbass..But she's the cuddly one...Either way they both prefer me because the kids think they're toys and the husband throws them around like footballs and tries to sic the lazy English bulldog on them.

    Your kitties are cute :)

  2. Neighbors cats suck ass!!


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