Monday, July 12, 2010

Spiderpig Spiderpig does whatever a Spiderpig does.

Decisions are difficult.

Deciding on which laptop to buy, that wasn't particularly difficult.  My husband surprised me with a trip to one of the castles in Sam Walton's kingdom to purchase a toy for his favorite wife.  I chose a model with a textured mousepad.  Those slippery ones make me want to keep rubbing my hands across the front of my chest to remove the ick feeling.  This one is textural.  It makes my fingers happy.  I can't play that damned Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook with any speed on this thing yet, but I'm working on it.

Buying a wireless router was also not difficult.  That's the little doohickey that makes the laptop go zoom.

Naming your wireless network?  Hard.

Almost as difficult as naming your children.  But then, I didn't name my children.  Justin and I had a deal.  He'd name any boys.  I'd name any girls.  Then that man of mine inseminated me with a preponderance of male sperm and all my baby naming hopes were dashed. 

All the pressure lay on my naming a network.  I had to bequeath it with a name that said we were cool, we were secure, we had hopes, dreams, a sense of humor. We were technologically advanced with this internets and stuff.  It had to be a name that spoke out to all that could attempt to steal our bandwidth that we would not tolerate such unseemly behavior.

...then I wimped out and named it with Justin's favorite Simpson's quotes.  "You don't make friends with salad."

It's true though.  You don't.  No one bonds over bowls of lettuce except in salad dressing commercials.  People may bond over salad dressing...but those kinds of activities are illegal in most of the southern states.  That's as far as it goes when we do the rabbit thing.

Couldn't I have just named the network "Absent Minded Network" and be done with it?  How about "Carl"?  Carl's an excellent name for wireless.  Or named it after my favorite sexually transmitted disease, "Herpes"?  Or even "Twilight Sucks...ass."

Yes, you've cursed me after that last one.  My ass isn't all that bad though.

Any number of brilliant quotes from this very blog would have sufficed.  Including my favorite curse word since we're on that subject.

"Don't be a twat and steal my bandwidth."
"Wireless Twats"
"The Twat Network"
"Viral Twats"
"The password is not Twat so don't even try it."

Instead...salad.  You don't make friends with salad.

The summer heat is getting to me.

If you're reading this still and your name is "Carl", you've got rather quick download speed.  You might want to see a doctor about that.

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