Monday, July 05, 2010

Why my kids are no longer allowed to ride their skateboards in the house.

On Friday, this beautiful and glowing personage visited me upon my empty and bare floored home and thus laid down new and pristine wall to wall carpeting.

I'm still getting used to the feeling of ahhh under my feet. 

I chose a lovely chocolate brown color which highlights most crumbs and bits of dead grass from the backyard but will hide the following:

Spilled grape Koolaid.
Spilled rootbeer.
Spilled tomato sauce.
Anything spilled containing red food coloring which we know stays for life.
Kid vomit.
Cat vomit.
Chocolate syrup.
Chocolate syrup vomit.
Poop.
Signs of infanticide, though my kids are hardly infants.
Fluids from taxidermy, for fun and profit.

Maybe it would hide sex fluids too.  I dunno yet.  Don't expect updates.

In any case this two year flooring escapade of mine, going from tearing up disgusting white lineoleum and installing lovely taupe tile and tearing up disgusting beige carpeting and installing brown berber is almost over.  I have two small areas that still need tiling and then the barn feel of my home will only be evidenced by the udder qualities of my frontal anatomy and my urge to moo.

I won't have to muck up anymore dirty straw either.

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