Friday, August 06, 2010

That Lennox guy has a perty mustache.

When I first met the man that promised to sell me the wonderful stuff that is new carpet I fell in love with him instantly.  That's saying something too.  He ran the dustiest business establishment in my little corner of rural Nevada casino hell and he was edging in on eighty-five years old. 

He showed me swatches of berber and I was dazzled by his charm and his talk of mildew resistant carpet padding.  That's how to get to my heart.  Tell me how to shampoo berber, oh God yes!

Today I have the furnace man in my home and even though he's tall, and muscular, and my age, and his work pants fit in a way that's almost obscene, I dislike the furnace man.  I really dislike the furnace man.

That clunking noise that my heat pump was making?  Not a little problem.  Large problem.  Elephantitis of the balls problem.  If you experience erections lasting longer than four hours, go to the ER problem.

A problem that's going to put a severe crunch into every aspect of our finances including trying to get the house ready to sell.

Of course, having functioning heat and cooling will draw buyers in this economy.  Most people are turned off by the thought of suffering from frostbite within their own homes.  Sure, the carpet looks really nice but the broken off pieces of human extremities sticking to it really ruins the ambience. 

New furnace...say buh bye to the fluffiest part of our equity cushion.  Say buh-bye to moving plans anytime soon.

Okay, okay, we have an equity cushion.  That's something to be said right there.  We aren't sitting on an upside down mortgage with elephantitis of the furnace.  In this economy I'm not sure who I can thank for that one.  Congress?  Bushy?  Obama-y?  I'm in Nevada, so Harry Reid specifically?  Myself since I served like a schmuck on my HOA for two years in a quest for property values and bought the kids the expensive popsicles in celebration when I quit?

Oh good, the furnace man is on his phone double checking prices.  Excuse me while I faint dead over.

I think he knows that I'm blogging about him.  He looks clean cut and he's bonded, but still, there is an air of sneaky all about his person except for his pants.

They are really nice pants.

Yet, living on the cheap is nothing new to me.  There was a time where my family functioned pretty decently living on around 10% less than the poverty level.  Those years were some of the best of my life.

Will living cheap while paying off Viagra furnace qualify as some of the best years of my life?

Let's not think about that too much.

Let's just keep looking at the pants.


  1. Are you guys planning on moving to civilization?

  2. What about the 'stache,,, its in your title but not mentioned in the blog. Should i grow mine back? It now comes in with too much grey hair so the wife says it makes me look older, hence the 'stache is gone. Do you like the 'stache not matching the hair look?

    Good luck if you put the house up for sale.



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