Monday, August 16, 2010

Why my town stocks up on thousands of foam coolers this time of year.

It's Speed Week in my town.

Which is not drug related...I think.  Sobriety is important when you want to drive your hot rod at hundreds of miles per hour across the Bonneville Salt flats.  Even drinking an extra ounce of Mountain Dew can have your reflexes stunted.

We are attempting land speed records people.  This is serious business and there are a ton of people barrelling through my town leaving huge chunks of salt all over.  The salt clings to their chassis and I'm not talking machinery.

Have a YouTube:

Have another...this one, at least in my opinion, is more relevant to the times:

Anyhow, what this means is that the hot rods are blowing past the car wash close to my home at all hours and the tourists and motorheads keep asking me where to find all and sundry at the grocery store. The only grocery store in town...basically the only store to buy anything in town. There is no Walmart or Kmart. Really. No, we aren't hiding one from you. No, I'm unsure of where you could go to buy crocs or swimwear or computer parts any closer that 100 miles. Yes I actually live here.

However, you can buy sex toys down by the Pizza Hut. Strap those to your feet. Get the veiny looking ones. There ya go. Crank up those bastards and see how fast they'll go!

Meh, I don't have a point with this post other than the interruption of my normally quiet carbon monoxide free life has me cranky.

Maybe I'll feel better if I hook up my sewing machine to some radials, slam down the pedal and see if I can feel a little wind blowing through my hair.

Might clean the lint off my chassis.


  1. You likely dont have to worry about the town running out of salt to melt the snow in the winter, right?


  2. I can't believe you don't have a Wal-Mart! The town I was born in is smaller than a popcorn fart and they have a Wal-Mart and several grocery stores.


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