Friday, August 27, 2010

You've got bad breath.

I've changed my sidebar to include the kittens I stole from my neighbor the kittens that have decided to come live with my family.

Chumlee and Beulah are currently licking themselves on my floor in a frenzy of "there is no place like home". They've already been in the bathroom with me while I've been in less than decorous situations.

I mean, you readers and other hangers on could be as fluffy as these kittens and I'm not allowing any of you to be present while I have my constitutional. Not that you necessarily wanted to. But then again, if you did want to, you get an eyebrow raising from me.

It's what us cat ladies do.

Though I don't know if I have enough cats to qualify for such an honorable title. What I do have is a lack of delicacy, a ticket to the bus to being middle aged and several hours of newly procured free time.

There is only one occupation to fit that bill.

Folks, welcome to my curmudgeon-hood.

Bah...I'm not editing out the citation.

Don't tease my cats. Don't ride your bikes in my driveway. Don't throw your balls into my yard. You get that newspaper directly on the center of my porch.  Don't bring me your plates of sugar cookies at Christmas and don't you dare let your dribbling canine anywhere near my rhododendrons.

Watch out, I'm parking this 1984 Buick Century right in the middle of my blog.

....And you'll listen when I complain about my discomforts and digestive issues because even though the cats watch they cannot deer in the headlights agree with me when I lecture about fiber.

It's high time and a good age to start my career.  I'm old enough to know myself well and to conduct myself without insecurity or apologies and still young enough to give it a solid amount of oomph.  I figure I've got at least 50 more years to get my curmudgeon-ness right down. 

That's at least 20 or more cats to steal from my neighbors to own.

4 comments:

  1. Haha, I have 2 cats. Kramer and Lainey..Kramer will sit in the bathroom, while I shower. Kramer will also insist I pet him while I'm on the toilet. I'm the only one he'll let touch/hold him. Lainey is a whore. She loves everyone.

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  2. You like dogs Locksmith? I mean, I don't do that dog or cat dynamic. I love dogs too. They just take more care than I can give them right now.

    I also love reptiles and rodents and horsies and cows and birdies and bugs. I don't have any of those for various reasons. The little ones mostly because my dumb gay cat will eat them.

    I had a fishtank once. I learned to dislike the fishtank.

    Or are you not a pet person in general? Because that's OK too. Pets. They poop. Sometimes there isn't enough cute to cover up all taht crap.

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  3. My mom says a young person cannot be an eccentric but one most grow into it but curmudgeon, well, thinking you've got a good head start and time will only make your cantankerousness (is that even a word?) so much more entertaining.
    Keep on keepin' on with your bad self, Becks.

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