Monday, November 15, 2010

Pink plastic light up Jesus

Seeing that it's ten days before Thanksgiving and eleven days before Christmas retail diarrhea, considering what to gift each other for the holiday season is going to be at the forefront of the budgets of many people.

I was just discussing the subject with my little sister on the phone today.  People be shoppin'.  Most likely for the same crap they bought people last year, or the year before.  Let's buy each other Snuggies and sip hot cocoa in front of DVD that plays a blazing yuletide fire.

Like last year I'm frustrated at the avalanche of gift offerings available to me, none of it meaningful, most of it overpriced, a good portion of it lacking quality construction in that it might last to the next Christmas.  Especially children's toys.  Crappity crap crap crap.  Overpriced, overhyped, overly noisy, crap.

Whatever happened to simplicity?   Whatever happened to wanting a dolly or a stuffed horse's head on a stick?

In the Little House books, little Laura Ingalls was thrilled with a tin cup, a pair of home knitted mittens and a single piece of grandma candy for Christmas.  What would she have done with a Playstation 3 or a Zsu Zsu Pet?  A fat load of nothing.  That's what.  She had a cup in which to stick underneath a cow and drink fresh squeezed milk from.   Hours of fun right there.

This is why I'm going to challenge my readers and other hangers on.  Let's call this the  "Unpasteurized Milk in a Tin Cup Challenge" or "The Happiness is a Warm Snuggie Challenge".

When it comes to Christmas this year, let's buy nothing that requires a battery or electricity.  This includes accessories to all your miscellaneous ownings that have an on/off switch. 

AND...yes, there is an and...

Let's buy at least one present for someone that we've never given a present to before.  Not necessarily charity but someone in your life who might not expect it.  Of course, give to charity, give a lot.  Just buy off a new friend in an effort to get them to like you.

(You thought I'd say handmake your gifts, didn't you?  You can if you want.  However, I know that blogs like Regretsy and Cakewrecks exist for a reason.)

(No, you don't have to buy me a present.)

I know that my kids do not need any more beeping idiocy in their grubby little hands.   I do not make this declaration lightly either.  My five year old son wants a Nintendo DS so badly he could kill and eat a real hamster to get one.  A battery-less Christmas will not be what he expects at all.

And now the guilt...dammit.

Really though, my goal this season is less glitz, less moving parts, less of that insane twisty tie packaging, more creativity, more imagination. 

Even crayon oriented toys require batteries these days and that's a damned shame.  Crayons weren't good enough on their own?  Now they've got to light up like slot machines?  Good lord, it's a crayon, all you need is a couple and a freshly painted blank wall and you've got happiness!

(No stuffing stockings with vibrators either.  For your significant others.  Not the kids.  Shame I had to make that distinction.)

To give my kids some credit they've not really asked for anything for Christmas except the kindergartner wanting a DS.  That's pretty decent of them to not have a case of the gimmes.  Or it could be that everything they want they know Mom and Dad won't buy because it requires selling a kidney.  The reality is that I'm getting too old to sell my eggs these days.

So, let's try it.  Let's skip the big old battery display this year.  Let's spread love to new people.  I double dog dare you...

(I said no vibrators dammit.)


  1. Shit..And I can't return the double jack rabbit I got you...If I supply the batteries will you accept it?


  2. You stir coffee with that thing, right?

  3. Um...sure...we'll go with that.


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