Monday, May 23, 2011

Hookers and Blow

So, you didn't get raptured up either then?

I was kind of hoping I would.  For two reasons.  First, I started in on some PMS yesterday which means my mood today will be beastly, to the point where holding up the Burger King and taking the deep fryer hostage seems reasonable.  Second, that maybe, just maybe, Glenn Beck wouldn't end up rallying himself stupid in Israel, making the rest of us Americans just as dumb for giving him a platform.

Insert GOP presidential race reference here. 

I put some canned tuna, some crackers and some mayo packets between my mattress and box spring just in case.  The crackers probably did not survive Saturday night's scheduled marital maintenance.  They are still edible though.

Seeing how the world isn't on it's way to ending, now is a good a time as any to think about all my sins, make resolutions about them, and then let them go free into the universe to find new homes with unsuspecting people.

Sin distributing could be done much in the same way as when you leave high school and you bequeath your most endearing traits and possessions to underclassmen.  I left a year old locker sandwich to some pissant kid and he'd better have kept that sucker.  He better have bequeathed it himself.  That sandwich should still be in that same locker today dammit.

Singling out people to unburden my sins on has been a picky task.  Who do you give away your enthusiasm for Bollywood to?  Enthusiasm for this dance sequence in particular?

The love of disco does not mean you will contract a venereal disease.

Who do you foist your love of Degrassi Junior High on, or greasy double bacon cheeseburgers, or my use of the word "twat", or my cat collecting? You happy vegetarians don't want sudden cravings for carcinogenic pork products or Degrassi and those of you who do want them already have them.

I guess my sins are mine no matter when this world ends.

At least I'm not on some Jersey based reality show, trying to unload my sins in that context. Can't fight this sudden urge to wear heavy black eyeliner for much longer.


  1. re that clip - you're a housewife and a seamstress ... aren't you just aching to sew a few buttons on that guy's shirt? Or is that just me? Wishing I wasn't at work so I could have the sound turned on, although it might be so funny then LOL

  2. I want to be Shahrukh Khan's oil gofer.

  3. OMG, you crack me up! I'm a new reader, and so loving your blog! Can't wait to read more :)

  4. I'm also a new reader. Thanks for the laughs (and Bollywood ROCKS!).

  5. GREAT- now I've spent alllll afternoon watching Bollywood videos. Had NO idea LOL

  6. Welcome to the dark side...


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