Wednesday, August 03, 2011

I can't figure out how to ask them how they want fries with that.

Today I pushed my little dumpling seventeen year old son out my front door with specific directions to not go over to his friends houses, like he has every other day this week and last, and to instead take his freshly shaven and showered self into places of business and polietly but assertively inquire about a job.

When I made sure he had a pen, ID, references and could repeat his own social security number and street address, I held myself back from asking him if he wanted me to hold his hand too.  Instead I reminded him that past what we put out for school clothes, which wasn't a whole lot since most of his clothes still fit, that clothing his body was now up to him.  The longer he waits to procure employment, the less impressive his new clothes are going to look to potential bosses.  The bank of Mom and Dad is going to be closing it doors shortly so it's good to be prepared.

One evening last week my son's friends come over here because their parent's likewise kicked them and their jobless BO out of their houses for the day.  They all sat in a sweaty limp haired heap on my couch watching my Monty Python DVDs.  Again I had to hold back what I thought.  I shouldn't tell them that in their efforts to NOT look like Justin Bieber, they all looked more Bieberish than ever.  Instead I tell them, "You boys need showers."  Before they had time to think of a witty teenaged retort, I tagged that with, "...just don't shower together."  That caused them all to giggle like little girls.

Bet you next time they show up to my house they wipe themselves off first. 

Quips like that set a tone you know.  I'm the funny yet responsible parent.  I'm the one you can call if you're drunk and need a ride, but I'm also the one that's going to show up to your house the next day to fake concern and ask a parent how you are feeling.  Or I'd wake up your mother to ask where she stores her cleaning supplies when you hurl in my car.  I'll take you to buy condoms, give you a big lecture on the evils of herpes, but I won't lend you any money.

This is why youngsters need jobs.

Did I just make a reference to my little dumpling manchild ever engaging in sex as a minor and dependent?  Like back when I was seventeen almost eighteen?  Oh good lord.  Where the hell did I put my cleaning supplies?  I'm gonna be sick.

But then, when I was sixteen and seventeen and eighteen, etc, I was gainfully employed.  I had bills.  I worked for money and then used that money to make car payments, insurance payments, to fill my gas tank, to buy myself jeans that were much too short, to buy cinnamon Trident gum and to pay my own way on dates.  I'm still using the pots and pans I purchased back then to prepare myself for when I'd be a rent paying adult.  For cheapo pans, 18 years of use is not at all bad.  Those pans are older than my firstborn and more useful.

Can my manchild get to the sex part without having had a date yet?  Possibly.  Maybe not, considering the amount of grease and sweat that spurts off that kid.  Slippery.  We may be safe.

His senior year of high school starts in a little less than three weeks. 

Wasting 19 days of job searching time will not behoove him.


  1. It's hard getting kids out into the real world now-it's like they don't WANT to grow up anymore. Cripes, I couldn't WAIT to get a job-a car-STUFF!! They want to sit on their butts and play video games. What a waste.
    Good luck getting him out. I have a friend with a TWENTY THREE YEAR OLD stuck on her couch.

  2. Pat has a grandson who is also 17 and will be a senior in H.S. this year. He is working during the summer part time at his parents business but they have been pushing him to get a job somewhere else. He is having trouble finding one as they all seem to want a person who is 18 or older. He won't get there until next March. He does have a pretty nice car (2006 BMW) that he saved money to buy and seems to have enough in savings or from working at his parents place to keep it going. They are still paying his insurance, as long as he maintains a B or better grade point. And he seems to still be growing, now at about 6'1", so continually needs new clothes.

    I am glad that my kids are grown and now dealing with their own kids. Grand kids truly are a parents revenge!


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