Monday, October 10, 2011

Perhaps a box of tissues is decoration enough.

Ahhh, it's about time to decorate my porch and yard for Halloween.  It's the happiest time of the year!

Except that I'm not decorating my porch or yard because I know, KNOW, deep down in my ghoulish little heart that all my awesome decorations will come up missing.

Check out Fred the Head.  I have a yearly infatuation with Fred that's bordering on obscene.  Fred likes it when I nestle him in a velvet lined box or place him ever so gently in my freezer.

Someone has rendered Fred portable which is convenient for the little miscreants that live nearby. 

Also in my Halloween box:

Face cutlet.  A necessary ingredient in the cultivation of budding petty thief.

And this:

My little zombie baby cutie pie...actual baby sized which seems to foster the idea that it's adoptable.

And these:

Which are more hideous than any of my other decorations.  I wouldn't actually mind if these got stolen except for the principle of it. 

Perhaps if I get my teenaged son in on the fun, we can decorate, hand out stale candy by the handful, and still keep all my spooky stuff on my porch and not stuffed under their poorly constructed Walmart skank costumes or in their pillow cases.

Observe a relevant YouTube:

This is excellent.  Teach you to try to take off with Fred the Head!  The psycho woman down the street with all the disgusting Halloween props WILL take you down if you get light fingered.  Muahahahahaha!

Chances are though, instead of stealing my best decorations. miscreants will spray pee or vomit on them in the midst of their fright.

Back to the drawing board.  Cleaning up my kids puke or piss is one thing.  Cleaning up anyone else's is out of the question.

1 comment:

  1. Don't ya love it when ya can scare the older kidz!!!


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