Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Body hair powered by hissy fit.

So...Michelle Duggar...who is my hero...is knocked up again.

I'm not knocked up again.  Michelle's glorious capacity for fertility is not why she's my hero.  If Michelle Duggar wants to take my uterus and use it much like she uses a series of washing machines for all her laundry, she's welcome to it.  I don't need it.  She can't have my ovaries, as much good as those are doing me, because I still have some hope of producing female hormones but I'll be a giver and she can enjoy the gift of my menstrual cycle.

Michelle and my mother in law, they could be seething and they will never lose their cool.  They'll talk about it.  They'll work it through.  They'll rely on their laurels and morals.  They do not have screaming bitch fits.

I lost my cool yesterday.  No need to say why.  At least it wasn't in public and that's only because I didn't go out yesterday, but color me embarrassed.

Part of it is hormone bullshit.  Hormones up.  Hormones down.  Let's grow more body hair.

Part of it is the change of the seasons.  Winter sucks.  It just does.

We can say that this makes up about 25% of my tantrum.  That's all I get to justify.

So, I lost it and not under the couch cushions where it's easily retrievable.  It bolted out the door, ran down the street, stopped to sniff the fire hydrant and lift it's own leg, and then ran off towards the golf course where there is a flock of geese pooping all over the driving range.

I am ashamed.

But then there is Michelle Duggar, who has been pregnant all of her adult life with all her hormones all over the place, and the seasons changing as they will, and Jim Bob using up all the hair spray, and she's walking around not screaming at her family members.

Sure, she's high on Jesus but that doesn't mean anything, does it Oral Roberts?  You can see that Michelle made a choice to never straddle that broom and she's worked at it.  Not everything is peachy keen but there isn't no reason to get loud about it.  Just chill...the world is still turning.

I wish I were more that way.  Not that it's drama drama drama with me all the time but there is a point where I'm going to start yelling.

Michelle Duggar's boiling point is so high.

...and that's why her organs have not plopped mushily onto her feet after a sneeze.  Number 20 is possible because of her demeanor alone.

We could all learn from her.  Be nice goddammit.


  1. I truly hope that Michelle Duggar doesn't die in childbirth or give birth to another premature baby who will have lifelong struggles and health problems. I guess if she does die, she can always unilaterally make the decision ahead of time that one of her daughters will put her life on hold to be a mother... er... "helper" to the motherless children she leaves behind. I pray that she will have a hysterectomy after childbirth this time because that's the only way she will stop.

    [putting on midriff bearing shirt and singing]
    "Every day the world supply is shrinking away..." (jazz hands)

  2. A belated Happy Birthday to you! At 37 you are just a spring chick compared to me.

    Who is Michelle Duggar?

  3. Maybe she's addicted to the pregnancy hormones, and if she went a year or two without them she'd morph into Cthulu.


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