Monday, November 21, 2011

Grow moss on the crotch.

I don't know what's wrong with you people willing to go out the moment it is no longer Thanksgiving day to stampede through large retail establishments to buy products manufactured in China.

After eating that much food I have no plans to do any such thing.  There was that one year my little sister and I ventured out to some of the less busy stores and I embarrassed her with my stomach upset the entire trip.  In the end though, digesting all that rich food proved to serve me well.

That was also the year I learned a lesson.  Besides those deals at the insane hours of the day that only a very few of you are going to actually get, there is nothing worth buying on Black Friday.

Put down the Snuggie and the Pillow Pet and walk away.  If you buy a cha-cha-chia pet you are a cha-cha-chump.

Fine.  Your five year old wanted a Chia sheep so badly that he slipped an ad for it in your Look magazine.  Tell him that Santa Claus ran out and get him a BB gun instead.  He can grow moss on the stock. 

Last Christmas season I challenged all my readers and other hangers on to not purchase any presents that require electricity...especially batteries...with the exception of the kind of toys they make for very happy ladies.  This Christmas season I challenge you all to not buy anything that you could buy in a clearance bin in two to three years.

No Pajama Jeans.

No copies of "The Help" or "Like Water for Elephants" in any format.

No tins of stale popcorn.

No foot baths or battery powered exfoliators or men's manicure kits or emergency car kits or appliances that only cook one type of food.

NO STINKIN' CHRISTMAS THEMED APPAREL!!  Not even Grinch boxer shorts.  Your husband will not think those are cute as you think they are and you know it.

I'm getting my husband a Kindle Fire.  Shuddup.


  1. You can guarantee that I won't be shopping on Black Friday. Not now, not then, not EVER. There is nothing I want or need that badly that requires me to 1. get up that early, 2. fight for a parking spot and C. fight dumbass insane people for shit. I'd rather do all my Christmas shopping online and run the risk of paying shipping, if I can't find any deals on that.

    And you don't have to worry about me buying any of that shit you mentioned. Will.not.happen.

    I got your back babe ;)

  2. OH I am SOOOOO going!! Just for the pure fun at watching people act like lunatics!! Def going this year as stores open at midnight mean I can just stay up and go late! No need to wake at 3 am- WOOT!!

    I do have to say, I have so rocked the bargains and the past two years have gotten 90% of Christmas on Black Friday because of such good deals and spending less on things.

    ...though I will concede and take back the dang boxer shorts...shit. That was ONE down. Gotta start over.

  3. I worked in retail. I know to avoid Black Friday. The deals really aren't that great and you're buying the crap they couldn't sell the year before anyway.

  4. The Kindle Fire is basically a tablet computer, sort of a weak sister to the Apple one but at a lot lower price. If he is going to mainly use it to read books, etc. do look at the regular Kindle ebook readers as they offer some advantages for books over the Fire. But also no color on the regular Kindles.

    I have had Sony ebook readers for a few years and this past summer finally bought a Kindle and I do like it better. makes it so easy to use but I tend to not buy new books for it as you can't trade them, resell or do anything else after you have read them. Wait for the paperback editions and then buy at Costco or Walmart. They do give a great opportunity to read new authors and find some great reads you wouldn't find printed on paper and there are a lot of classics that are available free. But they are better on the regular Kindle than on a backlit computer type screen like a tablet.


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