Thursday, November 17, 2011

Pocket full of Pulitzers

After some consideration I decided to skip Nanowrimo again this year and good thing too...I can barely get this sentence out of my brain and into the text box.

Never mind that I've never participated in Nanowrimo before and I don't expect that I could write the great American novel in 30 days (with the end third of the novel being sludgy because of Thanksgiving and Black Friday), but I do expect that I could write a perfectly fluffy novel that will make women get all fluttery in their pants.

A blog is the proper venue for the phrase, "fluttery in their pants".  If I was writing that type of novel, however, I'd be more likely to use the phrases, "We met in the soft spot where dreams begin." or "I spent the night lost in his earnest brown eyes and his raspy baritone laugh." 

Dayum.  Not bad for starting this post wordless. 

I hear that Twilight movie premiered tonight.  Bella gets herself knocked up with sexy undead spawn.  If there is anything to make a gal fluttery in her pants it's Bram Stoker's bastard half brother in competition with Teen Wolf - Bedazzler Edition and someone ending up with a baby bump.

The end of the series and the movies have only primed the pump on the type of drippy novel I could unleash on the world. 

Of utmost importance giving the lead character, a stunningly beautiful confident woman who is yet vulnerable and awkward, a name that will carry the reader's hopes. 

Lexton St. Madison.  Powerful and businesslike, but you can see peeks of her lacy camisole under her crisply pressed button down blouse.  She's into dry red wines and flavored lube.

Carolinea Munraux.  Not spelled Monroe.  Tiny, graceful and birdlike, but when she gets angry she'll rip you a new one.  She's into creme brulee' and is sexually attracted to shoes.

Eva Naomi Cristino.  She doesn't answer to Eve or just Eva, please address this torrid redhead by her full name.  Once you tame this one she's yours forever!  She's into vintage paste jewelry and gay bear porn.

All these women, they all fall in love with stock broker turned lumberjack/veterinarian Liam Luke Devro.  Not spelled Deveraux.  His chiseled good looks and perfectly hairless body only complement his intellect, manners and love for his mother.  He's into whittling penny whistles and bathroom stalls with peek-a-boo holes.

Plot?  Girl meets boy, girl is unsure she should even be attracted to boy because she has baggage, boy sets out to win her heart, girl allows herself to fall in love after she sleeps with him on the second date because doing so on the first date doesn't allow for enough literary anticipation, boy admits to carrying his own baggage which makes him adorable yet pathetic, girl gets angry, girl softens because she's also terribly flawed, one of them gets into an accident, they make up in the hospital professing eternal love, girl marries boy and they breed undead babies.

Dayum!  Fluttery in my pants!

High time I get me a literary agent.  I'm gonna make more than two bucks with this.

3 comments:

  1. I think there is a big market for that type of story. Don't they call them "Romance Stories"? Go ahead and write it- maybe you will be the next big Romance Author.

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  2. Oh I have so missed your blog!!
    I screwed up NaBloPoMo ...AGAIN...I couldn't even think of getting a novel going. You go chickie!!

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  3. Thank you Angela. You know, NaBlowaHo didn't even occur to me this year. That's a pain in the butt anyway. You end up with posts about what you ate for lunch and how constipated you are on a Sunday.

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