Sunday, January 01, 2012

2011 - We hardly knew ye

Happy New Year folks.  Here's to hoping the world won't be ending in 2012 but if it does, I will not be wearing underwear, clean or otherwise.  Underwear is so 2011.  If the world goes I go taking out exactly what I took in...my bare butt and a sense of humor.

As is usual for my first post in the year, quotes uttered by my family during the Christmas visit, or as close as I can remember.  I wrote a bunch down and the paper got misplaced putting everything away at home.  If I misquote anyone, I apologize.  It wasn't intentional and if it was, it was only to make me appear smarter than I am.

Here we go:

"You people..."
"Those people..."
"These people..."
"You idiots..."
- How my family addresses each other and refers to our quirks on Christmas day.

"I'm full of durp."
- Ben, my niece Jenni's husband, explaining why he could never solve a simple rubik's cube much less the more complicated puzzle cubes my son was solving at the table.  Check out my son's lastest YouTube solving some cube I don't remember the name of.  You see me in the background briefly.

"We call our softball team 'the straps' because, you know, we're all lesbians."
- Tonya, my sister Lisa's partner in life and evil, with loud whispery emphasis on the word 'lesbians'.  It's a community league conspiracy.

"I know why Lori didn't come home.  She done got her ass sat down."
- Gary, my sister Lori's husband, who upon missing his wife found her at our parent's house.  They all live on the 'family compound' in Utah and everyone knows if you aren't home you have your ass sat down just across the way.

"You really need to brush your teeth."
- Me, The Absent Minded Housewife, during a conversation with my teenager.  Not an odd thing to say to the kid but then he tells me that it's not his breath.  He'd farted.

"Bone..Bones...Boner....Boners!"
- My twelve year old son Alec, who found these choice words in a family game of boggle.  The same board I also found 'weiner' and 'weiners'.  He's not related to me at all.

"Your tender timer popped!  You're fully cooked and juicy!"
- Me again, to my sister Lisa, who was walking around with one very pronounced erect nipple despite her bra.  This is not the first time any of us sisters have said this to one another.  Or the first time we've joke about each other's boobs.  My boobs are especially jokeworthy.

"I am the God of Meatloaf!"
- Ryan, my six year old son, who really said this during Thanksgiving but since I can't recall any more quotes I'm going to sneak it in.  Like I could get this child to eat meatloaf.


Here's to hoping 2012 is good for everyone and if the world ends for you, it ends on a high note, with your underwear off doing something fun or interesting.

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