When you have a crush on a celebrity, a crush that has lasted since you were 13 years old, you find reasons to humor, no, cultivate that crush so you can enjoy a heady rush of warm and swollen feelings.
Like, when he's on TV. You anticipate the show all week and on the night of you wear that matching bra and panty set you bought two years ago, wore once, and then put in a drawer. It's too uncomfortable to wear all the time. Besides, you have to hand wash them.
Or when he updates his Twitter account...you soak in his 140 characters and then feel an urge to smoke a cigarette.
Or when he finally joins Facebook and you comment on every single post hoping beyond hope that he will respond to you, yes you, and ask you to become Facebook friends so he can comment on photos of your pets and your trip to the Liberace Museum.
...and when some talented and witty person writes compelling fanfiction about your celebrity crush, you fork out 3 bucks and have it instantly uploaded to your Kindle even though you are an Amazon Prime member and you can borrow it for free.
A gallon of milk for my children or the Wil Wheaton of my wildest dreams? Is that even a contest? Sue me, I enjoy fine literature.
Wil Wheaton won't waste time on this book. On Twitter, he responds, "I don't have to read 'Wesley Crusher: Teenage F«ck Machine,' I lived it. Well, except for the f«ck machine part."
Wil's modesty is a big part of why I lurves him. It's okay if you don't have a quarter for the little horsey ride in front of the grocery store to make it go. It's still a fun ride when you use your imagination.
The plan is to read this book in the bathtub with my last box of Thin Mint cookies and a three dollar bottle of artificially flavored strawberry wine. I'll get a gallon of milk next week.
Oh Wil Wheaton, you cyber geek bowhunk! Why am I so inexplicably drawn? Oh, that's right, we looked eerily similar until I grew boobs at age 28.
Uh...I need a moment.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
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