For the last week Mother Nature has had her way with me and we all know what that means for tonight...I plan on seducing the husband whether he likes it or not.
There are techniques to doing this in the middle of the week. Weekend sex is far different than Tuesday night sex afterall. You've already given up on Leno and Letterman so getting into the mood is far easier.
Leg shaving is a little less expected midweek. Tuesday is when you spend your day folding the laundry you did on Sunday. You shave your legs on Wednesday because you deep clean your tub and shower on Thursday. You make up for the prickles on your legs by promising to warm up your ice cold feet before you jump into bed. You still have clean underwear on your body which is considered sexy.
Tuesday dinner is whatever was leftover from the weekend with enough vegetables to make it stretch into a full sized meal. Nothing too heavy. This keeps everyone a little less sleepy.
There are no pressing chores this early in the week because you've already resigned to get to them next weekend. Installing cove molding in the kitchen? Next weekend! Planting petunias in the front flower beds? Next weekend! Replacing the top to your patio table because the old one shattered two years ago? Next weekend! Tonight we can relax.
But then you remember that everyone has to get up early so expediency, precision and efficiency is important. There shall be no hemming and hawing in the marital den on a Tuesday. Luckily you've been married almost 19 years and all the hot buttons are clearly marked. It's like watching The Shawshank Redemption for the thousandth time. You know Andy is going to tunnel through the prison wall but the movie is always a satisfying watch.
Marital maintenance is important. These matters must be a priority you know. What else have you got going for you on Tuesday night? Might as well have a tingle or two.
So, get off Words with Friends and Draw Something and go live the dream you old married farts.
I am. Or, shortly I will be.
Colbert ends in twenty minutes.
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