Tuesday, May 01, 2012

Pass over the Vaseline. I need the grease.

When Justin and I married the agreement to how to split household chores was easy.  Basically, that I would be thrilled to do most to all of the chores if, for the love of gawd, Justin would do the dishes until we got a dishwasher.

I hate doing the dishes.  I'd rather shove my entire fist up my left nostril than wash a dish.

This arrangement worked out nicely.  He got clean underwear and clean toilets.  I got to avoid flappy nostrils.

When we moved into an apartment with a dishwasher I was thrilled.  Justin was also thrilled.  He supported the family and I spent hours upon hours every day loading the dishwasher and surfing Yahoo adult chat.  My dishes, repartee and marriage all sparkled.  It was a blissful era.

As eras do, it all ended.  My dishwasher is a useless appliance.  The algae population is booming.  That is, the phosphates in detergents are a fertilizer and when they end up in the groundwater, all those algae suffer from obesity and turbo libido.  The fix for this is to not feed the animals and remove the phosphate in the soap.

Dishwasher detergents without phosphates are useless.  The dishes coming out of my dishwasher look about the same as when I put them in the dishwasher, maybe minus a stuck on Cheerio or two, and this is unacceptable. 

It's not like any algae will come along and hand wash my dishes to ensure that they are truly clean so I asked my husband if we could go back to our original agreement.  He washes the dishes.  I talk dirty to him.  Win win.

He cut off my question mid-ask with, "The crux of the agreement is that we have a dishwasher."

At the period on the end of his statement he raised his eyebrows at me and I knew the argument was over.

It's not his fault that phosphates are of the devil.  He has provided a home with an adequate dish washing appliance.  His part of the deal is did.  My part of the deal is to utilize that appliance, or not, and turn dirty dishes into clean ones.

You know what trick I'm going to mystify Justin with next?  Not dirty to clean dishes.  No.  It will be turning perfectly lovely blue striped ceramic dinnerware into these:



  1. Is every single detergent doing this? I will flip my shit if I have dishes like that and if I have to wash them. I know how you feel. We need to go out and read labels and buy up all the phosphate loaded detergent. Or maybe we can get them overseas...yeah, that's it.

  2. I deleted the posting on im41. I thought I might try sending you some traffic because I like (liked) reading your blog.

    If that wasn't my intent I wouldn't have linked it back to your site.

    I love it myself when people publish my material and then like it back to me. It is how I get most of my traffic.

    I will not wound your piece by trying to send some of my readers to you again. :)

  3. I appreciate you linking back. I do! However, especially since my writer's block is just a'raging recently, I like my content to be under my control. It's not when someone cuts and pastes even with a backlink. You didn't allow me the choice of being part of your site.

    (Of course, a backlink isn't required. That's why I used the copyscape service.)

    As for wounding...I dunno...I thought folks on the right weren't big fans of helping themselves to other people's stuff for free. I'd lend you my lawnmower if you ask. It isn't considered a favor if you just take it out of my garage even if you do send a bunch of folks over to admire how green my lawn is.

  4. The people I was planning on sending you would have brought their own lawn mower, mowed your lawn and then fixed your dishwasher problem.

    Hey I even have a couple of homos trolling my site that would probably enjoy talking dirty to your old man :)

    Honestly my mistake was getting your feed mixed up with people who have asked me to cross post their material.

    I wouldn't have snagged your stuff without first thinking that you was among these bloggers.

    I really don't know how I ended up with your feed?

    Here go look - https://sites.google.com/site/conservativebc/add-your-blog

    "Note: If you ask to have your blog added, know that by asking you are giving me the ok to put up links to your stories and to occasionally cross post your work; with links and credit back to your blog of course. I want them to become your regular reader."

    Anyway, I won't bother you again.

  5. Shrug...anyone can ask to add a feed. You can also add all the feeds you like to your own Google Feedfetcher. I didn't know you existed before today.

    Insert old lady, "Get off my lawn!" here.

  6. Insert cranky old man here... go fuck yourself ;)


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