Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Let them eat cake...of doom!

On my personal Facebook I post photos of the desserts I make for family celebrations.  They are not professionally decorated desserts but I do my best.  My best is that they are delicious and fattening.  As such I give the photos end of the world titles like, "The Impending Puberty 13th Birthday Tiered Cake of Doom" and "The Triple Chocolate Middle Aged Birthday Bundt of Doom".

Just recently I posted this creation, the "Blueberry Cheesecake Graduation Trifle of Doom".
 




It's God in a bowl.  Or Armageddon.  Or both.  Cognitive dissonance at the end of a meal.

Enough of you have asked for a recipe that I have condescended to post it.  

In addition to the ingredients for the cake below, you'll need 16 oz (two bricks) of cream cheese, 1 quart heavy whipping cream, two cans of blueberry pie filling, loose fresh blueberries to garnish.  Optional, unflavored gelatin.

Step 1:  bake this the day before you require dessert:

BUTTER CAKE OF DOOM:

Mix:
  1 cup water
  1 cup melted butter (or two sticks...or you could use margarine but then you could not call it butter cake.)
  (If you want chocolate cake, at this point add 4 TB cocoa and 1 tsp cinnamon)

Add to this:
  2 cups all purpose flour
  2 cups sugar
  1 tsp salt  

Allow the mixture to cool somewhat and add:
  2 eggs
  1/2 cup buttermilk
  1 tsp vanilla  (real vanilla, not that fake crap.  Almond flavoring is lovely too.)
  1 tsp baking soda
  1/2 tsp baking powder

Mix thoroughly with a hand mixer.  This is supposed to be a thin batter.

Bake in a prepared 9x13 pan at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.  (Making cupcakes?  Bake this batter for 10.)

When baked, don't EAT IT like you know you want to.  Put a towel over it and let it sit overnight.  The more it sits the more moist it gets.  You'll want to leave out your cream cheese to soften too.

Step 2:  Cheesecake filling and other required goo:

Start with:
1 quart of heavy whipping cream
1 tsp vanilla (REAL vanilla, fake is crap, CRAP!)
Enough granulated sugar to sweeten, probably around a quarter cup.
(If it will be a while until you serve this dessert, you'll want to stabilize the whipped cream.  You can do this by adding an envelope of unflavored gelatin dissolved in a bit of warm water then add to the whipping cream as you whip. )

Whip with your hand mixer or stand mixer this until you get good stiff peaks.  Do not mix until you get vanilla flavored sweet butter.

Divide your whipped cream into two equal portions.  Leave half in your mixing bowl.  Reserve the other half.

Mix until fluffy into half the whipped cream:
16 oz of softened cream cheese or two bricks. 
(You may also add some powdered sugar if you don't find this mixture sweet enough.  Or honey. or more sugar but you have to mix until the granules dissolve.)

Step 3:  Assemble your trifle:

In a large glass straight sided bowl, layer the following:

1 can of blueberry pie filling
1/2 of the pan of butter cake, cut into thin chunks, mostly covering the pie filling
The cream cheese mixture, smoosh it into all the crevices and spread smooth
1 can of blueberry pie filling
The other half of the pan of butter cake
The reserved whipped cream on top, dollop so it looks like you care
Garnish with fresh clean dry blueberries

Then refrigerate until you are ready to serve.  People will cry when they eat this.  This dessert feeds a hell of a lot of people and with the exception of the fresh berries, is not at all healthy or "lite".


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