Monday, September 24, 2012

Twenty things you come to learn whilst attending your 20th high school reunion.


1.  The hair dye ain't foolin' anyone.

2.  The padded push up bra ain't foolin' anyone.

3.  Comparing stretch marks is a bonding experience for any gender.

4.  That boy you had a crush on back then isn't going to show up.  That boy that had the crush on you isn't going to show up either.

5.  One's expletives are better timed and more to the point than when we were 17.

6.  We all claim to love green salad and broccoli.  There wasn't a ranch Dorito anywhere in sight.  Fiber.

7.  The betting pool for who will get hair plugs or silicone breasts by the 30th reunion is large and competitive.

8.  When asked if you have children, if you include your cats or other pets in that answer, people's eyes just glaze right on over.

9.  How and to whom you lost your virginity?  Still fascinating.

10.  Only discuss politics in whispers, secret handshakes and knowing nods.

11.  Lawyers and dentists and IT professionals, Oh my!

12.  Like on graduation night, the class kegger was not listed on the official invitations or referenced in the town newspaper.

13.  No one will remember your adolescent gaffs, like that one time you walked into gym class wearing just your t-shirt having forgotten to put on your gym shorts.

14.  Turns out, you're the only one going through perimenopause, so your hot flash just looks like nerves.

15.  When that Deee-Lite song comes on over the event speakers, everyone in the reception hall will start jiggling to the beat.  Today's teenybopper music sucks though.

16.  If you are greeting someone you haven't seen for two decades, "Mmm, you smell good!" is sort of an odd compliment to bestow.

17.  There is a tangible tingling sense of relief when you know you're out of the running for the "Octomom Award".

18.  Next time around, one of the raffle baskets has to include an assortment of dishwasher safe marital aids.

19.  Attending with a stack of business cards or repeating the phrase, "I should put you in touch with my financial advisor." makes the dinner tickets tax deductible.

20.  Female classmates still go to the restroom in gaggles to giggle.

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