Having been born in Utah and still having close ties to the Utahiest locations in Utah, I've heard and read much disappointment in the presidential election.
I feel badly about all their bad feelings. They suck. It's a lot to get over. Honestly, I'm only being a teensy bit facetious. Like 5% facetious and the 95% of it is honest to gosh sincerity when it comes to all the frustration.
However, the process of mourning the election will be helped along by a much awaited and very important Utah cultural event.
Tomorrow night, at exactly 12:00 AM, the first public screenings of the very last Twilight movie will light up big screens in packed theaters across the Beehive State. I do not remember what this last movie is called exactly except they broke down one book into two movies nor do I know what the movie will be about except that the female lead wrestles with a cougar.
Brigham Young University's mascot is the cougar. That's an interesting little tidbit for you. The new expressionless sparkling female vampire tumbles with Provo's beast of choice. Growrr Freud, growrr.
What this means for election exhausted Utahns is that the women-folk will find their hearts softened by smoldering undead erotica written by one of their own and the men-folk might be the recipients of whatever emotions are to be relieved after the movie. Especially if the men-folk do the dishes and vacuum while the ladies are away.
Utahns might be up to gettin' their freak on. Oh yeah.
This is good because sex releases oxytocin which makes people feel all warm and cuddly. Sex also releases dopamine which makes people feel relaxed and accomplished. These hormones will do wonders for the electoral weary.
Nine months from now, all kinds of new tax deductions will be born!
Childbirth also releases oxytocin. Woohoo!
However, the hormone that causes lactation suppresses libido. Fiddlesticks.
Sigh. There will be no more Twilight movies and the highest Mormon in politics is democrat that Harry Reid.
It was good while it lasted. (95% facetious.)
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
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