Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Seaman Yeasty, permission to come aboard?

What do you do when you meet a 6'8", 300 lb. sailor at your son's Navy recruiter's office?  You ask, "How do you do?", shake his hand, and listen to and agree with everything he tells you.

He told us how to navigate the bullet train in Japan.  I figure a man his size can navigate anywhere he damn well pleases.

He told us how to get posted in the location you want instead of the location the Navy wants you to want.  You pick three posts and somehow the Navy picks the one you didn't list at all.  Easy peasy.

He told us how to impress good looking civilian nurses.  Again, I figure a man his size can impress any female he damn well pleases.

That's the piece of advice that comes closest to the nuggets of wisdom I've offered my son now that his life is officially beginning.  As a parent I've imparted much knowledge but if I had to boil it down to one important axiom it would be:  Don't date skanks.

What is a skank you ask?  (You didn't ask, but clarification is important to the likes of my boy.)  Well, Urban Dictionary defines skank as:

A derogatory term directed towards females, usually young, suggesting sluttiness, lack of hygiene, poorness, cruelty, tackiness, or use of drugs/alchohol/cigarettes. Can be used towards any race.

Unfortunately you'll have to do your own image search for skanks...I'm too lightheaded from doing my own search.  Have this photo of a sailor costume from one of my suppliers from my costume business instead.


All this military sailor stuff, that's beyond where I can guide this young man.  What I've got in spades is how to attract and keep a woman who won't go out without proper undergarments, drinking tequila and clamato until she pukes, and then offers him personal contact that will more than likely pass on the flu germ in return for a ride to her trailer.

Not that women in the Navy, or women who like sailors, are necessarily skanks.  I don't believe that at all.  What I know is that my son doesn't know up from down when it comes to dating or girls and that makes him a prime target for that breed of girl.  He'll get out in the world, out in a uniform, sporting PX privileges, and some skank will tell him he turns her on, and it'll be all downhill from there.

This would be the case even if he himself grew to 6'8" and 300 lbs. 

My son knows his general orders.  He knows his creed.  He's got his order of command down.  Now he's got a week to learn how to spot a skank from 1000 yards and then run like his butt is on fire.

Because if he gets with a skank it might be.

Then you have to get yourself some antibiotics.


  1. Oh man I envy your son. I did 24 years in the Navy and wish I could start all over.

    1. Thanks Chief. My son should be landing in Chicago in a half hour.


Absent Minded Archives