Thursday, January 10, 2013

To sleep perchance to increase the incidence of tumors in white mice.

Since Christmas vacation ended on Monday, my night owl body has been petulant about getting up in the wee hours to see my kiddos off to school.  During the holidays I just let my body clock set itself and it was wonderful.  If my body had things it's way all the time, it would stay up until 1 or 2 and sleep until 9 or 10.  However, the rest of the world says that my body must be sleeping by 10 and up at 6, hopefully doing something productive, like remembering to pull down my pajama pants before I take my first morning pee. 

To help my body accept it's earlier bedtime a little better, I've been taking melatonin this week.  If I take it with my multivitamin around half past nine, I can drift off by 10ish.  Melatonin is my sleep aid of choice because with the right dose I rarely wake up feeling drugged.  Doesn't mean there aren't side effects though.  Me and melatonin, it means I have weird vivid dreams the first few nights of use. 

This week my body has certainly taken it's revenge and has dug cat poop out of the sandbox of my psyche.  Cat is the subject anyhow, and if you'd like to play armchair psychologist, I invite you to dissect the nugget I dreamt a couple nights ago.

~~~Wavy Dream Lines Wavy Dream Lines Wavy Dream Lines~~~

I'm in my home.  I'm relaxing in my family room, reading or playing Words with Friends, or whatever.  Then I hear loud yowls outside and turning my head toward my sliding glass door, I find my old cat Booger, the one that went missing over a year ago.

He's desperate to get in and I'm thrilled to see he's back.  When I open the door and scoop him up, he yowls again.  Poor kitty must be hurt!  I check his body all around but find nothing actually injured.  Instead I find that he has sprouted a painful mass of several testicles resembling a bunch of grapes.  Lemon sized grapes.  They had all swollen to such a large size because his furry scrotum had become twisted and cut off any sort of blood flow. 

Knowing in my dream that I'm an expert on testicles, I was confident that I could fix the problem.

Deftly, I untwist my poor cat's scrotum and immediately the cat sighs and purrs in relief.  One by one the extra testicles shrink and disappear except for the normal amount of testicles that don't look any worse for wear.

Happily my Booger makes his way to the cat dish.  Just as happy, I return to my spot on the couch and place a killer bingo word in my game of Words with Friends.  Everyone feels awesome.

~~~Wavy Dream Lines Wavy Dream Lines Wavy Dream Lines~~~

So, lay it on me, whatever can that dream mean?

And don't you dare tell me it means I'm pregnant because or want to be pregnant, because that would be incredibly wrong.  The pregnant thing is reserved for the dream where all your teeth fall out.

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